I feel I am trapped in my marriage and don’t know what to do

[Mumofacutie]

It’s been a while I am not happy in my marriage. To make long story short, my husband has been quite harsh on me many times, and I suspected him to be a narcissist. We have had the regular pattern going on, from bullying, belittling, name calling, etc to love bombing and being super-nice (for a while). I have been blackmailed with divorce when things didn’t go his way or when I didn’t react the way he wanted me to. He would drove me crazy with the threats until a point when I said to him “let’s divorce”. After this point comes the love bombing. Last time he called me a F… ing B** in the car, and our daughter was sitting there as well. This was the point when I told myself it was enough and I wanted to separate. I told him as well, and we didn’t talk to each other for days, but now he is coming up with his big promises and he also offered we could go on couple’s therapy. Would that make sense? The thing is, I don’t have romantic feelings towards him. I am just jot sure what to do and how to do it. I am scared to be a single mum. Any advice? Thank you :)

Being a single Mum is so much better than spending your life with someone who emotional abuses you. Being insulted in front of your child is no way for you to live and absolutely not something that your daughter should grow up witnessing.

Get out as soon as you can - sure, the single Mum life will be tough but you will adapt, build a new life for yourself and will be happier.

Why do you feel trapped? What's the financial and housing situation?

Get onto a solicitor and get things rolling if you know you'll be okay financially. Or start working/saving and planning to get out.

You are not trapped. Your daughter, however, is. It's up to you to get her out.

I feel the same way about my relationship. We’re not married and don’t own our house so financially I’m not tied to him but I haven’t left yet because I know that when I do there will be an almighty kick off over the kids as he will not want to share them fairly, he will just try to keep them full time. I’m not brave enough for that battle yet although I’m so desperate for this relationship to be over

Being a single mum will be extremely calming for you and your dc rather than being bullied by a a^sehole.

We are in a shared ownership house. He already told me he doesn’t wanna sell it, also, he said if we split, he would move further because he would be heartbroken… technically this sounds like he would make things harder for me to move on. We have a 4 yo daughter, so I don’t work full time, and I don’t have any savings. My only shot would be to sell the house and split the equity..

Don’t be worried about being a single mum, it’s much, much, much nicer than living with the abusive arsehole.
Get some advice and make plans to leave.

I promise you, once you reach the other side, it is a trillion times better being a single parent than being in an abusive relationship like this.

No walking on eggshells, no being sucked along the constant cycle of insults and love bombing.

For now, ignore him and his tricks, and start to make a plan. What he wants is irrelevant, you need to work out what you need from the house etc and take some legal advice.

Check out Wikivorce, Divorce for Dummies and family solicitor websites.

Gather ALL financial documentation and see a competent family solicitor.

And get back into full time employment.

He says he won't sell the house, he also says he would move further away due to being heartbroken. He can't do both of these things, he's just chatting to shit to keep you in your place. He doesn't get to unilaterally decide on whether the house gets sold or not, it's a marital asset and if you can't agree then the courts will decide. Get yourself to a solicitor pronto.