My husband moved on immediately

[Futurepast]

I had to pop to my old house with my DD and found my ex husband had a female over.
i only moved out 2 weeks ago.
we were together almost 13 years.
He is very controlling and he scares me so confronting him is only gonna result in him shouting and me apologising.
ive also been doing all the driving as he doesn’t but seemed to manage to get an Uber with his new friend just not for his daughter.
he has me under so many rules which I’ve stuck to.
so I guess the hurting I’m feeling is all kinds of things.
I feel like he is out of order for moving on so quick especially when he’s seen/spoke to our daughter only a hand full of times.
i just needed to get this out as I have nobody to talk to.

Is it possible he was seeing her before you separated,?

The "female" is the least of your worries. How can we help you escape his control? Have you spoken to Women's Aid?

Did he end it? Yes, it could be he was cheating, but it's easier to move on if you're genuinely miserable.

“confronting him is only gonna result in him shouting and me apologising.”

Why would you confront him? He’s your ex: what he now does is none of your concern, except where DC are concerned.

Id think you had a lucky escape, and thank God you're not her anymore!

Be glad it's not u oh anymore.

With men like that, it’s sometimes easier to have him distracted by a new woman.

The fact that he’s shagging someone new means that he detached from you a long time ago.

If you can manage it, you need to harden up and establish some boundaries. You left him to escape his control but it sounds like he’s using your dd to maintain his power. You need to face the reality that he’s not particularly interested in dd either. If you are chasing him to see her then you need to consider stopping and accepting that he doesn’t want much contact and perhaps it’s best for dd to spend minimal time with him so he doesn’t play controller with her too.

Take him having a distraction as a positive, his attention isn't solely on you. I understand the upset, completely understandable. Not use that energy to get your ducks in order. Speak to women's aid, get everything in order. Get in therapy and start working on those boundaries that are needed in this situation.

I’ve recently found out it had been going on a very long time. I just feel like a fool. He’s treated me like shite for 13 years and turns out he wasn’t even faithful.

I only recently learned that he wasn’t controlling me when I went to see a doctor about my anxiety. A 10 minute conversation with her on first consultation and she opened up a whirlwind.

*WAS

move on. He isn’t worth it.