How to completely cut ties

[Runningoutofideas1]

Hello MN,
Ive changed user names for this but hoping for some divorce advice.
I’ve been separated for approx 8 years & am looking for closure.
Dear EXH will never instigate the divorce though he was at fault (affair) & as far as I am aware is still living with the affair partner.
I begrudge paying the full cost as he was financially manipulating during our marriage. Based on length of separation is there anything I can do?
I also don’t know his exact whereabouts so think this may be difficult & occur a lot of expense.
Is there anyone who can advise please?

You could start the process online, divorce application costs about £570.

He can't object or do anything about it but yes you will need to know his address.

If you don't have any joint financial matters to sort out it could be quite quick and straightforward.

@User27563 Thank you for your reply.

This is what I mean, £500 is a lot to me without knowing what it may cost to serve the papers, given his current whereabouts are unknown.

Do you have any contact with his relatives that might be able to help? Or even trace a work email for him? You don’t have to have an address to start it but that fee is the same regardless so you’ll need to bite the bullet at some point.

Surely worth the money to have it done?

@trailblazer42 Unfortunately not. Even so they are in a different country & unlikely to have his exact address.

@User27563 I don’t know how much the cost could escalate to

Anyone? Much appreciated x

You don’t have much choice - start the process when you can afford it. Nothing can happen until that’s underway.

Then you need to either become a private detective and use the power of the internet to track him down yourself or pay someone to.

You say you don’t think his relatives would have his address so sounds like you haven’t tried them? I’d be spamming anyone I thought he might know (family, old friends etc) via social media. Is he in the UK? Not clear from his post but lots of records available.

I'm not sure what else you're hoping anyone can say? 🤷‍♀️

No there's no automatic severing of ties due to length of time,

You need to start the divorce process.

AFAIK if you dont have his address The Court can allow an alternative form of service eg by public notice

Just remember that so long as you are married you both potentially have various claims against each other so it is important to get divorced.

Your starting point is to phone the court and ask for information regarding costs. At the moment you’re making assumptions. ✅

Ask the court for advice regarding the fact you dont have an address for him. It might transpire you can divorce him anyway. You’re probably not the first person to have a missing spouse who needs divorcing.✅

Get in touch with a relative of his and see if they can help with an address fof him.✅

Are there any long lost friends in the uk that might have an inkling about where he is? ✅

With a bit of application to research, and the internet, I think in time, you’ll find him.
Get some facts on the go, knowledge is power. Dont turn onto a “woe is me” victim.

@User27563 TBH I was hoping for an amount of time.

@PashaMinaMio thank you for the info

So, regardless of how ex DH was. Men can still choose to control women?
There is nothing I can do to divorce a partner that I was in coercive control?
And has gone AWOL?

Overview

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There is but you have to follow the process…I assume you’ve read what this is but I’ve copied it for you here (assuming you’re in the UK)

“If you do not know where they are
The process might be quicker if you can find their current address. The ways you can do this include contacting their:

• relatives (including children)
• friends
• last known employer
• trade union or professional organisation

Fill in the divorce petition or dissolution application with their current, or last known, address. You’ll have to pay a £612 court fee. If the petition or application is returned unopened Your regional divorce centre will let you know if the divorce petition or dissolution application is returned unopened. You’ll need to try another way to send it to your partner. You can either:

• apply for the petition or application to be sent in another way, for example by email
• contact the Divorce Service Centre to apply for a search of other government departments to get their address

You’ll have to pay a £53 court fee for each. If you still cannot find them, you’ll have to fill in the statement to dispense with service of petition or application. Return the statement to your regional divorce centre. You’ll have to pay a £53 court fee.”