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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

How to survive this

15 replies

Heartbrokenanddevastated · 24/05/2025 19:45

Partner left me (I was totally blindsided) nearly a year ago. We share a DC of primary age. I was suffering with very severe anxiety and he was initially supportive then became very cruel, which exacerbated things to the point of needing inpatient treatment.

We’d been together a long time (years) and were engaged. He ended it by email. At that point all politeness, care and compassion went out the window. He is angry, cruel, says he never wants to see me again. He has stayed in the house, changed the locks and barred me from even going there, I have struggled to persuade him to let me even see my DC. I’m in hell, in pain. He hates me, despises me. Says I am dangerous, a narcissist (I asked my therapist who said I’m definitely not and he sounds narcissistic and abusive). I am not coping at all. How on earth to recover, survive. Even think about living again.

OP posts:
ZiggaZigAh · 24/05/2025 20:02

I’m so sorry, what an arsehole. I hope you’ve had legal advice?

Heartbrokenanddevastated · 24/05/2025 20:27

ZiggaZigAh · 24/05/2025 20:02

I’m so sorry, what an arsehole. I hope you’ve had legal advice?

I have, it’s cost me thousands which I can’t afford, solicitors have written him several letters. He just doesn’t care. He has unilaterally changed the way we own our home and apparently can now legally force it to be sold which he will do if I don’t agree. I am terrified. I just wanted to go home. I now don’t have a home, a relationship (i adored him) and limited access to my child. I don’t understand how this can be happening. Just utterly overwhelmed.

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 24/05/2025 21:27

He has unilaterally changed the way we own our home
How?

Heartbrokenanddevastated · 24/05/2025 22:13

S0j0urn4r · 24/05/2025 21:27

He has unilaterally changed the way we own our home
How?

He just signed a form which changes us from joint tenants (ie: the other one would inherit if one party died) to tenants in common, which splits the property 50/50. Apparently he can do that without me agreeing.

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 24/05/2025 22:39

Heartbrokenanddevastated · 24/05/2025 22:13

He just signed a form which changes us from joint tenants (ie: the other one would inherit if one party died) to tenants in common, which splits the property 50/50. Apparently he can do that without me agreeing.

Er, nope.
You need better legal advice.
At least try Citizen's Advice, they're free.

millymollymoomoo · 24/05/2025 23:41

If the house is held as joint tenants you own 50%
if its tenants in common that will be held in equal
shares unless there’s a deed of trust you’ve signed which gives unequal shares,

he can get an order for sale regardless of either.
if one party wants to stay the other will need to buy out the 50.% share.

you have equal right to reside there until this has agreed ( I understand you don’t want /he’s making it difficult)

what are you wanting to happen ? He needs to buy out your share or it needs to be sold so you get your share

Heartbrokenanddevastated · 25/05/2025 14:20

millymollymoomoo · 24/05/2025 23:41

If the house is held as joint tenants you own 50%
if its tenants in common that will be held in equal
shares unless there’s a deed of trust you’ve signed which gives unequal shares,

he can get an order for sale regardless of either.
if one party wants to stay the other will need to buy out the 50.% share.

you have equal right to reside there until this has agreed ( I understand you don’t want /he’s making it difficult)

what are you wanting to happen ? He needs to buy out your share or it needs to be sold so you get your share

At the moment just want to be able to even access my home. The thought of selling is unbearable, but I can’t afford to buy him out. I am shocked beyond belief he is behaving so unilaterally. But apparently it’s legal. Although changing locks - not so much. How do people cope - I am struggling

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 25/05/2025 14:47

He cant unilaterally prevent you living there. Legally you have as much right as him

have you sought legal advice regarding applying for an occupation order

Heartbrokenanddevastated · 26/05/2025 13:10

millymollymoomoo · 25/05/2025 14:47

He cant unilaterally prevent you living there. Legally you have as much right as him

have you sought legal advice regarding applying for an occupation order

I had mentioned it to lawyer. he is really abusive now but says it’s all me. He controls everything

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 26/05/2025 17:15

And what did the lawyer suggest as next steps ?

Heartbrokenanddevastated · 28/05/2025 23:14

millymollymoomoo · 26/05/2025 17:15

And what did the lawyer suggest as next steps ?

They have logged it all. I’m not sure. Bewildered. I just honestly don’t know how to deal with this total 180. I am a good mum to my DC, and my focus is her. But it’s utterly heartbreaking to see her family torn apart and warring.

OP posts:
Heartbrokenanddevastated · 28/05/2025 23:14

Just feel so lost

OP posts:
Heartbrokenanddevastated · 16/06/2025 23:28

Heartbrokenanddevastated · 28/05/2025 23:14

Just feel so lost

Can anyone help, the post separation abuse is getting worse, he is sending me abusive messages talking to me like I’m absolute dirt, controls all access to our child, calls himself the primary parent because he’s living with DC in family home having kicked me out saying he pays the mortgage. The latest is summer holidays can’t get him to speak to me he’s just sending unilateral schedules saying I have to agree immediately. Can any domestic abuse charities help? I’m distraught at the treatment and not seeing my daughter 60 percent, he won’t agree to 50;50 as he wants control.

OP posts:
researchers3 · 16/06/2025 23:41

OP you need to take him to court in think. There is nothing else to be done with men like this.

Solicitors cant make him do anything. Don't waste any more money on them.

There is an organisation called rights of women that can help you with the process and which forms to fill in.

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law-information/

Sounds horrendous but you can do this. Keep going, dsy by day and think of your daughter.

Is there anyone that can mediate childcare in the meantime so you don't have to talk to him?

Log everything.

See your GP if needed and to get a record of whatever impact this is having on you.

Try women's aid too.

Family law information - Rights of Women

Our family law guides include accessible online information on: domestic abuse, children and the law, family court, legal aid, marriage, divorce, civil partnership, finances, living together, and more.

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law-information

Heartbrokenanddevastated · 27/06/2025 00:20

researchers3 · 16/06/2025 23:41

OP you need to take him to court in think. There is nothing else to be done with men like this.

Solicitors cant make him do anything. Don't waste any more money on them.

There is an organisation called rights of women that can help you with the process and which forms to fill in.

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law-information/

Sounds horrendous but you can do this. Keep going, dsy by day and think of your daughter.

Is there anyone that can mediate childcare in the meantime so you don't have to talk to him?

Log everything.

See your GP if needed and to get a record of whatever impact this is having on you.

Try women's aid too.

Edited

Thank you so much for the thoughts and resources to try. He is very threatening re court, has assured me it won’t go my way. Terrified but have to find a way. My Dd needs me, i know she does.

OP posts:
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