Why do they hate us?

[PinkGorilla]

Why do men hate their wives so much when the man was the one who ended the relationship and the wife hasn't cheated or done anything wrong? On month 4 of living together post split and every word I say gets argued with, or at the very least huffed at. I feel so worn down by the hostility and I'm apologising repeatedly for whatever I've done to piss him off so much.

Please please please stop doing that straight away: I'm apologising repeatedly for whatever I've done to piss him off so much.

it will just make him treat you more and more like shit because it’s working, you’re pandering to him.

They do it so that you end up feeling like you're in the wrong and you apologise. Please woman up and recognise it's a tactic to get you on the back foot. You mean nothing now and you need to recognise that and go on the offensive. Sorry hes showing you what scum he is.

Because if they can get you to apologise then it's your fault, and appeases their guilt.

Stop it. Let him sulk. Call him out on poor behaviour. Don't let him put any of this guilt on you.

They do it because it feeds into their delusion that he had to divorce you because you’re so unreasonable and horrible. This is probably what he’s told other people even when it’s a situation that’s 100% his fault like he’s an addict who has put your financial future in jeopardy.

It makes him feel better to pretend that it’s 100% your fault that the marriage ended plus it’s a touch of the selfishness that they won’t allow an ex to tell them what to do, even if it’s reasonable like organising a postal redirect.

You need to try and not fall into his traps eg it’s ok not to reply to a shitty text although I understand if you end up falling for it sometimes. Consider checking on his messages once a day (or whatever)and having him muted the rest of the time.

Yes he's definitely putting 100% blame on me for everything. I have tried calling him out on things. So earlier he huffed and rolled his eyes again when I spoke to him, so I called him out on it. He just started arguing with me and doing his usual thing of saying he doesn't want to talk to me, to go away, or putting music on really loud to drown me out. I then end up raising my voice and he's suddenly pissed off at me for going on at him or raising my voice. I only speak to him about the children and he dismisses me everytime. Eventually I get mad at having doors etc shut in my face and then I'm the bad guy. He's always been like that I guess, but he's much more obvious with it now and makes me feel like a real nuisance if I need to bring something up.

Stop doing exactly the same thing and having the same result.

If it's regarding children, have a shared calendar and text him when something changes.

I'm sure you've already organised finances so he's paying towards bills and children.

Organise everything separately and ignore him.

Yes I guess. I just don't understand why it has to come to that. When I split up from my first daughter's dad back in 2008, we still got along well. He helped me move house and helped me move my horse. We still spend dd's Xmas and birthdays together for the first few years and even went on a family holiday together. I know that's probably an unual situation and don't necessarily expect my current situation to be like that..But I also don't see why it has to be so hostile with my stbxh and only communicating over text either. Why can't it just be civil? No one's cheated or done a betrayal of any sort, we just weren't compatible.

Why can't it just be civil?

Because some people are just arseholes and can't stand the fact that they are no longer your be all and end all. The music thing is deliberate to make you shout so he can then claim victimhood. He's setting you up.

Google grey rock, it will stand you in good stead and help reduce your stress levels when dealing with him