Getting Over an Ex

[CheeseSandwich1]

I have 2 children with my ex partner. He has a ‘lives with’ order as I’ve had some struggles over the past few years. The court order states our children can see me ‘a minimum of once per week’ and I have half the holidays/special occasions.

I haven’t spoken to my ex in nearly a year, all communication and pick ups/drop offs go through a family member. He won’t allow the children to see me for an any longer than the legal minimum. He refuses to give any updates about education and health. I am basically eradicated from the children’s lives, apart from a day per week.

The problem is I’m still in love with him. I dislike him a lot but I feel he’s taken everything I have (my children) and is now trying to eradicate me from their lives in order to make my life as miserable as possible.

I know he’s going to move on with someone else and I don’t know how I’m going to cope with another woman effectively being a Mum to my children. I don’t know whether it is best to just walk away and allow my children to have a stable family with a Dad and Step-Mum, instead of continuing with this horrible situation which is dictated by my ex and his feelings towards me.

OP don’t cut yourself out of your children’s lives because of their father’s behaviour, I’m sure you love your children and they love you, never give up on them, keep fighting.
I know the pain of trying to co parent with a nasty ex. In my case I had custody of the children but he make every effort to make my life a living hell as much as he could until they were grown up. Due to other things that happened in our lives after I divorced my children’s dad, over the years I often questioned if I should have stuck it out and stayed with him until they were adults, for their sake but then I would quickly remember what an awful dad and husband he was when we were together, to the point where my eldest, only 6 years old at the time said one day, mummy why does daddy shout at you all the time? Why don’t you find a nice man who doesn’t shout. That’s when the penny finally dropped for me, it took a 6 year old little girl to open my eyes. I still loved him too but he is an awful person who was no good for me or my children. Try to focus on the reasons your relationship ended in the first place. There’s an old saying an ex is an ex for s reason, never forget that reason, it’s usually true. Most importantly try to focus on your children, and rebuilding your life, perhaps you could go back to court and get more time granted with your children. You are their mum and always will be, don’t step aside for someone else to take your place. There’s no love like a mothers love. They will never love another woman like they love you. Don’t give up on them but try to give up on him and move on with your life for your sake and your children’s

Contact the school, they should give you updates, you should join the WhatsApp group, the school app and everything else. You can arrange meeting wjth the school separate to parents evening so you are fully informed. You can attend any plays or other school events.
Medical- harder as the NHS isn't set up for coparenting. However you can ask the GP or if under hospital care for their notes. It will have everything in there that was discussed. Dad legally should inform you of anything medical and any planned hospital and GP appointments, but only inform you after the GP appointment itmf it was an on the day one.
Unfortunately where you have had some struggles dad is trying to give consistency to the kids and in his eyes that is what the court order is for. Play a consistent active role in the kid's lives, communicate effectively where possible, maybe a handover book that goes back wjth the kids to share information, and with time hopefully the other parent sees your efforts. Or in the future you return to court to up your time.
I think some counselling would be good for you to work through your feelings about your ex and help you move on. But you love your kids so don't leave them because of feelings around your ex and him potentially moving on. The court saw that the kids still needed you.