How do you do 50/50?

[Treedbay]

Hi all

We’re in the process of separating. All fairly amicable so far (in the circumstances). We will want to do 50/50.

We’ve got a 4 year old and an 7 year old. He has found a 2 bed flat nearby (within 10 min walk).

Interested to hear how people have made joint custody / 50/50 (ish) work for them & the kids?

e.g. How many days on/off or other logistics?

Most people do either
7 days each
4:3
5:2:2
Using school for handover as much as possible.

We do one week son will go weds after school til Sunday night and then the following week will be weds after school til Friday eve so we have son every other weekend. Works really well for us

Ok thanks

The worst I’ve ever seen in practice was a week at each house. The kids were so unsettled they hardly slept a wink, It would literally take them three or four days in each house to start getting into the routine and being happy in the strange bed again. And then it was time to switch and it all started from zero

The best way I've seen is 5:2:2:5

Means the same evenings each week (Mon-Tues with one parent, Weds-Thurs with the other) so work and clubs etc can be kept routine, and a full weekend with each parent too. Also means all transitions are at school which is helpful.

We did week on/off with teenagers and that worked pretty well (school also had a rotating 2 week timetable) but it requires a set of parents who are both willing to put the children first and don’t go in for point scoring. With younger children I’ve seen shorter swaps, basically 2.5 of the ‘work week’ and alternating weekends but also know someone who did week on/off with 2&5 year old. I think it’s easier if you have set days with each parent as things like after school activities can be organised without constantly having to check if other parent can also support it. Just be clear that if handover is one parent drops at school other parent picks up then confirm who has responsibility in school holidays or for sickness

Balance it so you get an equal number of weekends free of kids with time to yourself. You'll thank yourself when they come home and you're rested. But kids aren't dogs they need a stable and consistent environment hence weekends with dad might suit you if you have them weekdays while schools on.

This is the best in my opinion and what we do with my stepsons. Kids can attend the same clubs, you don’t have to communicate with the other parent as much, schools know who to contact on which day etc.

If you do do this, make sure to decide if M/T works best for you with bank holidays (yay long weekends, or a pain if you work them anyway) or W/Th before you propose it. DH’s XW just decided their days for them and I’m always disappointed we never get a long weekends with the boys because we have to be back for Monday exchange.

We have a 2:2:3 set up so it means we have alternate days each week (and alternate weekends). Our kids are 11 and 5 now and it works for us. At my son's age we didn't feel he should not see one parent for more than 3 days unless it was a holiday or something. It doesn't phase my kids at all and they have adapted really well.
We have sports heavy nights 2 days a week and it wouldn't be fair for one parent to be stuck as a taxi every week, rushing meals etc while the other got to have leisurely evenings with them so it made sense for us.
The arrangement you make should have flexibility though if you are amicable. We have it written into our mediation and consent orders that the arrangement can be revisited as things will change as the kids grow.

Week 1: Parent 1 All nights except Weds & Thurs
Week 2: Parent 2 All nights except Weds & Thurs

Nesting though as didn’t want kids to move. Not sure how well would work having 2 houses.

This is what I use. This has worked well for us for the last 8 years.