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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Financial settlement - thoughts on this?

35 replies

frankie42 · 21/05/2025 12:06

After a year of back and forth my STBExH and I have come up with a financial settlement and I'd be so grateful for advice on whether you think this is fair and likely to get through court as I've lost all sight of it and cannot compute anymore!

Together 11 years, married five. One DC age 7 plus 2 older DC each from previous marriages.

No home, both rent.

My income:
30hr week job - £18k PA
UC - £15.5K PA
Child benefit

His income:
£81k plus annual bonus (£10k last year)
£? undisclosed additional income from side hustle (at least £10k last year) he is refusing to disclose his actual additional income, this is just what has been shown in the bank statements I've seen.

Pays £190 CM per month to me based on the band under 50/50 care and his £81k salary (not additional income)

Pensions:
Me - £5.6k
Him - one at £56k, another at £176k (this one solely accrued during marriage)

Debt
Me: £16k
Him: £25k

Proposal
Split £176k pension 50/50, keep other pensions (so his pension pot £144k mine £93k)
£100 pcm additional child maintenance to me until DC is ten, payable as lump sum of £3k
Each keep own debt and cars.

I cannot even think straight about it anymore - the undisclosed income is something I've had to accept I'm not going to get an answer on, he's said I've had enough from him but if it's going to get rejected for any obvious reason I'd rather not pay the court fee twice. I cannot afford anymore legal advice and know you guys aren't lawyers but would welcome thoughts!

Thank you

OP posts:
TheFlis · 21/05/2025 15:58

Is he actually doing a genuine 50/50 care?

Hepherlous · 21/05/2025 16:42

I’d push for more pension. On his much higher salary he’s better placed to contribute to his pension pot moving forwards. I don’t think you will be going by your annual income and this puts you at risk in the future.

level13dangerzone · 21/05/2025 19:01

I would push for additional 28k minimum on pensions- with 3 kids id imagine you've been PT for a long time and this limits your career

Original poster
frankie42 · 21/05/2025 20:14

TheFlis · 21/05/2025 15:58

Is he actually doing a genuine 50/50 care?

Marginally less, 13/14 nights per month and holidays equal.

OP posts:
Original poster
frankie42 · 21/05/2025 20:15

He absolutely won’t go for more pension, he initially said I wasn’t having any of it and he’d keep his and me mine but obviously that wouldn’t have washed in court!

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 21/05/2025 22:42

Is there no property involved?

vivainsomnia · 23/05/2025 11:07

How old are you both? However long you still have until retirement will come into it.

millymollymoomoo · 23/05/2025 11:23

@level13dangerzone 3 kids of which 2 older ones are not the ops ex don’t she was pt fie them that’s not the fault of ex here

op you will also need to consider full time hours now too

MidlifeWondering · 23/05/2025 12:42

If he won’t increase the pension share (which he should really), ask him to clear your debts as part of the settlement.
That will increase your monthly income as you won’t be making payments

Radiatorvalves · 23/05/2025 12:48

What happens when DC gets to 10? Kids don’t get cheaper…

eustoitnow · 23/05/2025 13:44

Why can’t you work full time with a 7 year old?
does your pension values include what was accredited before your 12 relationship - id suggest it might since you both have older kids

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/05/2025 13:46

Why only pay cm to 10?

Mauro711 · 23/05/2025 14:13

frankie42 · 21/05/2025 20:15

He absolutely won’t go for more pension, he initially said I wasn’t having any of it and he’d keep his and me mine but obviously that wouldn’t have washed in court!

I mean, he can't just decide that he won't go 50-50 on the asset split. At the moment he is walking away with more than you. Have you had mediation? If not, start there. Do you have a solicitor? He earns considerably more than you, even if you were to go full-time, so for you to also walk away with less assets seems really weird. Don't be intimidated by him. Think of him as an annoying salesman who is trying to rip you off.

Mauro711 · 23/05/2025 14:16

Also, of course he has to declare all of his income. He is legally obliged to.

Matcha95 · 24/05/2025 14:29

Sounds fair to me. It’s a short marriage with one shared child. So the pension accrued during marriage gets divided 50/50. It’s the only asset. I’m surprised there’s no property involved.

In the long term look at child maintenance of he’s not doing actual 50/50 care. I think he can be made to declare his income for that.

harriethoyle · 24/05/2025 14:36

Presumably you also have cm from your older DC father? Agree with pp that if his smaller pension preceded you, you should not get any of it.

Mauro711 · 25/05/2025 08:21

Matcha95 · 24/05/2025 14:29

Sounds fair to me. It’s a short marriage with one shared child. So the pension accrued during marriage gets divided 50/50. It’s the only asset. I’m surprised there’s no property involved.

In the long term look at child maintenance of he’s not doing actual 50/50 care. I think he can be made to declare his income for that.

It’s not considered a short marriage since they take into account you have been in a relationship prior to getting married, so in this case it’s 11 years.

MellowPinkDeer · 25/05/2025 08:25

I think it seems fair enough. You can still up your hours and increase your income. Pension sharing orders don’t help you now so whilst good to have that; doesn’t support in your living costs.

Nametobechanged · 25/05/2025 08:27

It’s the CM that concerns me. Is he going to share all child related costs? Children get more expensive over ten year old, not less.

Loveduppenguin · 25/05/2025 08:29

And the family home?

RandomMess · 25/05/2025 08:42

How do you share costs for the child, is he generous in paying for uniform, lunches, school trips, hobbies, activities? Would he agree to a separate account that you both may into to cover for these things?

Bollindger · 25/05/2025 08:43

If you think your after 56k so half is 28k.
if it cost you 10k in court fees then your down to 18k. They could say split the debts so another 5k down to 1k.
A bad relationship and making things harder.
Tell him you want him to pay half on any school expenses, paid direct to the school.
To pay towards a clothing restock you will both agree limit each trip, shoes that age can last a couple of months.
Child support to change if 50/50 changes.
plus anything else you can think of.

Gettingbysomehow · 25/05/2025 08:48

You MUST go for a one off appointment with a divorce solicitor to find out exactly what you are entitled to even if you have to beg borrow or steal the one off consultation cost.its vital. I did this and was shocked to find out my ex wasn't entitled to any of my money or property as I had owned my home outright and earned the money before we got married. He'd been after half of everything and got nothing. The court upheld this.
You cannot trust your exH to give you what you are entitled to.

Gettingbysomehow · 25/05/2025 08:51

He is trying to do you over looking at these figures. Do not accept this settlement. Go to citizens advice first.

DameCelia · 25/05/2025 08:56

@frankie42
Why haven't you had legal advice on this?
He can say what he likes about what he 'thinks' he's giving you, fortunately that's not how it works!
I'm assuming he's told you that you don't need lawyers involved and that they would just end up using up the available money in fees?
Funny how it's only the party trying to pull a fast on that says that.
His tax returns will show you exactly how much the side hustle is bringing in.

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