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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Feeling horrible that I want to fight for my home

19 replies

Divorcee93 · 21/05/2025 11:41

I am currently going through a divorce, we have 2 children and a mortgage.
I ended it, not because I have found someone else but because I don't love him anymore and I would be staying in the marriage because it "safe" for the children but I couldn't stay unhappy.
He refused to leave the house because he hasn't done anything. I was just going to let him buy me out. But family are telling me to fight for the house. I am now wanting to fight for the house because I would be left with nothing as he has our family car too!
Has anyone else been in this situation to give me a bit of advice and courage. Thanks 🙏🏼

OP posts:
RareGoalsVerge · 21/05/2025 11:48

You are entitled to 50% of all assets

The asset pot to be divided is:

  • the equity in the family home, no matter whose names are on the deeds/mortgage
  • the full current value of both his pension and yours
  • all savings and investments, no matter whose name is on the accounts
  • any other high value items eg the car

You will not be left with nothing. Whichever of you doesn't get to keep the house will get most of the rest of the above items, to balance it.

Each of you should be reasonably equally well-off after things are split. Get proper professional advice before agreeing to anything.

Tiswa · 21/05/2025 11:49

Don’t let your guilt about ending it against his wishes drive any decision you need to make

Snorlaxo · 21/05/2025 11:53

Why do you want to fight for the house? It delays the process and it sounds like your ex is angry so you spending lots on legal fees and being stressed will make him happy.
A new house with 50% of the equity in current home is a fresh start and means you can move out sooner.
If you both want the house then won’t court order you to sell and both move out sooner it’s fair?

As for the car, it’s 50% yours (marital asset) so one of you should buy out the other.

Whiteflowerscreed · 21/05/2025 11:54

It doesn’t make sense to fight for the house because he gets the car (not the same?!). Don’t feel pressured by family who have no idea how things work in the real world.

You sell the house and share the money 50:50 usually. Pensions split this way too.

Snorlaxo · 21/05/2025 11:57

If he knows that you want to stay in the house, he will be more motivated to prevent that happening as revenge. Be smart and play it cool or you’ll be spending money and time on legal fees rather than a new home.

Renabrook · 21/05/2025 12:02

So this means you could buy him out?

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 21/05/2025 12:03

Have you moved out? Where are the kids?

you may not get 50:50, it depends on need.

don’t move out. If you do a court may see you as housed and will not force him out of the home making him homeless.

when your family are telling you to “fight for the house” what are they expecting? That you get it without having to buy him out? How is that fair. If you can do a 50:50 split and house yourselves then that is what a court will do.

TeeBee · 21/05/2025 12:10

Well firstly, he can't live in his car so that's irrelevant. Its value will be split between you in the final calculations.
Before you start fighting for the house, are you capable of financing it with a mortgage of your own?

CanOfMangoTango · 21/05/2025 12:36

The house doesn't matter.

You can buy a new house, decorated how you want, that your ex has never set foot in.

Let him buy you out at market rate.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/05/2025 12:40

You're entitled to your fair share of the marital assets and would be even if you had cheated on your husband with his dad, brother and best friend.

Who will be the resident parent for the children?

Tartanboots · 21/05/2025 12:40

I was in this situation, with ex refusing to either move out of, or sell, the family home. There isn't really much you can do to force it without spending 10k plus on legal fees, which I wanted to avoid as neither of us had that much to spare. In hindsight I wish I had.

In my case he reluctantly agreed to buy me out. This took 4 years to complete, during which I had to pay rent elsewhere as we had no spare room. He lost his job at one point and was unemployed. I ended up paying the mortage for a few months as I was still liable. It was an absolute nightmare. He refused to put the house on the market as he would have been homeless. He got another job before I ran out of money for the mortgage, fortunately.

Once he got another job he was still dragging feet with buying me out. I had to threaten court proceedings to move things along. Then he had to apply for a mortgage in his sole name to release funds for me. He was as slow as possible at every stage.

Eventually it was sorted, but it took me chasing his conveyancer to get it done.
I accepted less than I was owed in the end as that was what he could get on the mortgage and I didn't want to waste any more time.
Don't really have any advice, other than to be prepared for a very long expensive haul! Oh and people thinking you've abandoned your kids as you've had to leave the family home, even though you have them 50 50 if not more.
Very glad to be out the other side! I thought at times that it would never be over. I wish I'd got a solicitor on it from day one.

GoldDuster · 21/05/2025 12:42

The only thing that can be guaranteed in a divorce that involved a fight, is that it's expensive, both in money and your energy and peace of mind. Is there another option? Have you taken legal advice?

Original poster
Divorcee93 · 21/05/2025 14:01

I have moved out and living with my parents, but he has also moved in with his parents as our house is fire damaged 😫(in the process with insurance)
I have said I will buy him out but has flipped and said he will put his foot down and will not let me buy him out.
We share 50 50 custody of the children.
Our pensions wont get touched as it's been a short marriage.
I am going to see a solicitor

OP posts:
LemonTT · 21/05/2025 15:22

Why don’t you just let the proposal settle. Is there any reason to react or start a fight over it.

There is no right or wrong here. Both of you might think it a good idea to buy the other out. You are both entitled to that aspiration. The next stage is for both of you to confirm if you can afford to do that. You may not know exactly what your settlement will be yet but you will have a rough idea. Establish if this is a feasible option for either or both of you would be the next step. It might be a pipe dream for both of you in which case you are arguing the toss right now.

If you can both afford it and both want it then you can decide if it is worth spending money to fight for it. Every penny you spend on the fight is money you don’t have. Frankly you might as well agree to toss a coin.

millymollymoomoo · 21/05/2025 17:00

You’re not entitled to 50%
you’re entitled a fair share - which might be more or less depending on circumstances

the house is irrelevant whether you stay or leave or sell - whats important is the split awarded to each party

LittleGreenDragons · 21/05/2025 17:31

I have said I will buy him out but has flipped and said he will put his foot down and will not let me buy him out.

You buy him out OR he buys you out OR it goes on the open market. Those are the only options, and if there is a disagreement then a judge can force the issue. Judges have the power to decide on the valuation, and can sign on behalf of the awkward person so contracts can be exchanged. It just takes time and/or money.

You might have left the marriage because you don't love him anymore, but his behaviour shows that you did the right thing by leaving. He sounds controlling and aggressive. Good luck!

Snorlaxo · 21/05/2025 17:50

I would be asking the solicitor which way out of the house would be quickest and cheapest because it sounds like he will make things as difficult and costly as possible.

caringcarer · 21/05/2025 18:21

You'll probably just go 50/50.on equity in house, pensions, cars assets of thearriage including jewellery.

pinkdelight · 21/05/2025 20:00

How would you be 'left with nothing' if he buys you out? As long as you're getting your 50% share of everything, what are you really fighting for?

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