My husband and I have been together for 20+years and married for 15. The last few years we’ve been drifting apart with my husband seemingly checking out of the marriage. In the last year or so I’ve come to realise that I don’t have to continue to make up for his lack of enthusiasm and make the conversation etc which feels like a huge burden has been lifted.
I suggested counselling and asked him to arrange it (we have a history of me doing all of the organising/mental work, so it was deliberate to put the onus on him to drive it), and he hasn’t done anything. So I’ve booked individual counselling starting next week to help with my head space.
Out of curiosity I’ve just asked him where he thinks this is going (answer: I don’t know) and I explained that I can’t see the path to fixing it at the moment. I didn’t really get a lot of response. I said he didn’t seem that upset and he said he wasn’t feeling much of anything.
In all honesty, I feel the same way. I thought this conversation would involve more tears or anger or anything but it really does look like this is just going to fade away and I am just struggling to get my head around the fact that it really might be it.
It does make me slightly hopeful that we may be able to separate amicably but it feels like it shouldn’t be this easy to end things after such a length of time.
I very much want to undergo the counselling so I know I’ve tried everything possible to prevent this, but it feels very much like that will be a solo journey.
I’m not 100% convinced he isn’t feeling anything at all and I suspect there is a strong element of protecting himself but at this point I’m not willing to drag him along to fix our marriage if he isn’t motivated.
sorry for the long post…just trying to get my thoughts in order.