Hi ladies I’m in need of some advice and kind words. These last 6 months have absolutely taken its toll and it’s been a slow burner as I watch my life crumble before my eyes whilst trying to stop it at all cost with no luck I now sit in my broken home me and our son alone. Many questions , no answers just heartbroken.
January I found out my partner of 10 years was having an affair with a 20 year old from work ( no kids lived with her parents) . I was devastated we tried to work on our relationship and somewhat it definitely was better. Although this girl never went away. I had to try and blank it all out even know I knew it was happening. A lot of you will wonder why i didn’t leave at that point - he lead me on said he loved me and was having a mid life crisis.
it all come to a head April/ Early May a lot had went on the girl messaged me claiming she didn’t know he had a partner. Either way she Carried on anyway. It all fizzed up as expected and of course he left.
He went straight to her which is what hurts the most. The strange part in all of this is that although I have caught him red handed several times now he will still deny all of this and tell me he’s not with her! But I actually drove past them in his car the other week.
the whole situation had been a mind f**k to say the least. I’m drained. I can’t accept that this has all happened. I spend all day everyday feeling physically ill knowing she has his attention and he’s with her. I can’t eat or sleep barely functioning and most importantly barely functioning as a parent I feel terrible. He’s let our child down but the state I’ve got myself in I am now also letting my child down. Of course all of my son’s needs are met but I’ve lost my spark.
Its clear to see now he’s a narcissist as now his excuse is ‘ He did want to sort it but wouldn’t stop ‘ going on’ about it’ like I was suppose to just brush this under the carpet. He says he loves me , says he’s not with her ‘it’s not like that’ I guess I’ll never know but what I do know is I’ve seen enough to conclude that he did leave me for her.
although he won’t admit it it’s a mind fuck.
In a nutshell he’s been gone now for 2 weeks , Popped in to see his son the odd day but not much communication. I can’t eat or sleep knowing he’s with her. Doing all the things we planned. I seen messages from him to her saying he wanted to have a baby with her ( I’ve been asking for another baby for a while and he was adamant it was a no!) I’m so hurt. I guess that’s the next thing I have to watch.
Im not eating or sleeping I litterally can’t escape these thoughts it’s driving me insane. I have so many unanswered questions. He pretends to care but his actions scream that he does not care.
How do I start to heal from this ? I don’t even want to look at another man right now and I feel I will be alone forever I know this sounds silly I’m sure many can relate. How can I stop the mental torture in my brain! For my own sanity I need to snap out of this. I have told him if he was more honest about the situation it would help me heal as he always says he wants to come back so I’m left waiting day by day. Even so I sound insane because I would never be able to trust him again. This situation is so cruel.
im struggling with my emotions and have random outburst and struggle with keeping my mouth shut but it’s getting me no where I need to give up.
Is there a light at the end of the tunnel please?
for a few weeks now my day has consisted of doing work, mum stuff and any spare time I’m just sitting in my thoughts crying. I can’t go on like this any longer. Any advice welcome x