We finally had the chat

[Shouldhavedonesomethingbefore]

I’ve posted a lot before about my situation, problems with DH but not knowing what to do, avoiding doing anything … Today we finally spoke about separating. It won’t happen immediately because of DC exams. But I think it will. It was a sad conversation. But I think he’ll get angry the more he thinks about it. I can imagine him arguing about who stays in the house. Just have to be ready for a rocky few months I suppose.

Just wanted to put this down somewhere.

Who raised the idea of separating? Who has paid for the house / mortgage?

Well done starting the ball rolling, that must have been scary but hopefully you’re feeling positive if a bit apprehensive. 💛

I am sorry . It is tough , especially when there is DC involved . I think you have started the ball rolling ( or again ) if there have been previous discussions .
Unless there are multi millionaires / considerable assets sadly any split does mean downsizing in reality . As the money that you use for one property cannot be split to achieve the same standard of living for 2 people .

Well done for making the start . It is great that you are both able to put your DC ‘s exams as the main priority .
I would just bide your time and get appropriate legal advice . Then choose a suitable time after they finish to speak about next steps . Use the time before then to think about what you want and if this can be achieved with a fair financial settlement for you .
I haven’t read your other posts so not sure about your DP’s behaviour . Change is unsettling for everyone , especially when this involves a lower standard of living , however your DP will need to accept the relationship is over eventually . Good luck .

I don’t know how to link to old threads - but basically he’s your classic Jekyll and Hyde character. He takes his moods out on me and oldest DC - the outbursts can be months apart but they’ve happened throughout the 20 years we’ve been together. He always dismissed my feelings. And then, in January, for some reason he was honest with me and admitted it all. He said he’d get some help. Reader - he hasn’t.

I’m waiting now. He was reasonable yesterday, but I know he’ll get mad as he thinks about it more. I don’t know if he’ll keep to his promise of moving out. (I know he doesn’t have to).

I’m nervous. I’ve had a few wobbles in the hours since we spoke. But I had to do what I did. I’ve stayed silent for too long.