Shared parenting post divorce

[RebeccaSings]

Hi,

I would love a second opinion about this matter. My ex husband and I have shared parenting of our 2 kids, 12 an d 15. We have them for a week each, with the kids swapping on Fridays. I didn't want to do this as it's bad for my work set up but I agreed.

For the last 2 school years he has had them for only 1 half term. When I said this is unfair he said they can go to his but he has to work. I work part time but I have health issues that mean I struggle with fatigue and need lots of rest most weeks.

He sent out the dates for 2026 and again I have the kids for all of the half terms. I said that he needs to swap the weeks around and he is saying no. It seems he has already made plans for 2026 on the assumption that I'm ok with the dates even though I wrote back immediately saying it wasn't acceptable to me.

Can anyone else see why this is unfair? I love having the kids with me but school holidays are exhausting and costly and he has to do his share.

Does he have a legal obligation to split the childcare in the school holidays if he is claiming to do 50% of the childcare?

I would be so grateful to hear from anyone who has knowledge or experience of this situation.

He may have to work, but so do you!

There are clubs available for him as much as they are to you.

You can’t force him to have them, however you can go back to court and he can pay maintenance.

o hope you have everything in writing.

Thanks for your reply. My feeling is that he may have to pay maintenance as this is not 50/50 of the parenting. I am considering getting legal advice as he's not pulling his weight.

Do you think this is contravening the 50/50 split agreement?

First off - I feel sad for your kids.

But on practical matter - if it’s the cost of feeding the kids for an extra week - i’d count the days in his proposal and apply to CMS if it’s not 50/50.

I don’t think arguing over not having the kids for one half term is worth going to court. It’ll cost more than food for the week, and certainly will require more effort.
Plus court cant really force him to take his kids at the time he says he can’t.

At 13&16 - which is what your kids will be in 2026 - they dont need childcare or clubs. They will likely spend half-term with friends and / or in their rooms. They are also old enough to make basic meals and do laundry, and generally help you around the house.

So - annoying as your exH is around time split - I’d just not let it bother me. Your kids will be grown and out of the house sooner than it seems…

Than you for your input. I appreciate it.

To be clear it isn't about 1 half term, it's about 9, only 1 of which my exH has had the kids for.

And thank you for your concern about my kids. I'm pretty sure my kids know how loved they are, and that their mum is self employed with a chronic health condition.

I think you need to be clear with your DC that you can’t afford to pay for XYZ during the school holidays and they could try asking Dad for the money to do it.

Thanks. It's actually more about the mad fatigue I get in the holidays with my MS.

I did not mean any disrespect, was just being practical. I know it js hard with the kids - but it’s less hard when they are teens.

Unfortunately - there is nothing you can do about school holidays in the past. You can not claim support retroactively.

But you CAN claim for the present time. And it is the easiest way to go about it - you count the days he proposes he has with the kids - and if it is less than 50% - you go the official route, open CMS. And tell him.

The 50/50 agreement you have - I presume is not a Court Order mandated. So - there is nothing you can do legally enforce it.

Getting a court order that specifies child arrangements down to holiday split is a long and expensive process. It will cost you more in money and effort - than a few weeks of maintenance you are seeking. And your eldest will turn 16 this year - so the court wont bother with doing child arrangements for them.

Unfortunately - you don’t have many choices here if the exH is not playing ball.

I would not get the kids to ask for money from their father as it ‘should be his time’. It/‘s unfair to put them into this situation.
I’d simply say - i cant afford to pay for X.
They are old enough to understand your financial situation, and they can ask their father on their own, if they chose.

I also have two teens - and after divorce I definitely got them to help around the house a lot more than they did previously.

There are 3 half terms not 9? Is he switching the weeks or is it just alternate weeks and they happen to not fall on his? That makes a difference. What
are your plans over summer etc? Surely they just go back and forth as normal

Is it the cost op?
my dds are a similar age and don’t need looking after at all now, in fact they cook more for me in holidays than the other way round, but do cost an absolute fortune in food. For entertainment they’d rather be out with their friends than literally anything else in the world, so there’s no value in spending money taking them somewhere they’d rather not be.,

The DC are old enough to be at his house if he is working still. I’m sure he has plenty of AL so yes he should be taking some of the holidays, not just one week. Tell him you’ll be expecting maintenance as it’s no longer 50-50.

Thanks so much all of you for your comments. I held my ground and demanded he has the kids for 3 of the half terms that are coming up.

To be clear in this school year, last one and the upcoming one he had scheduled himself to have the kids for one half term. So out of 9 he had set it up for him to have them for 1. It was just the way the weeks fell but I had told him it wasn't reasonable and needed to change but he just ignored me.

I was arguing about that, partially because of the cost but also because it's hard for me to rest and very hard for me to work when they're with me in the holidays. I teach from home and they have to walk through the teaching space. I'm self employed and if I can't work I don't earn.

But I think my main issue was that I was letting myself be pushed around. I know I was in my marriage and I feel strongly that my boys need to see that mothers and women need to be listened to.

The support on this post meant I held my own in it all and he finally listened.

I lost all of the ability to argue for what I needed in my marriage but in this I finally had the confidence to say no to him and hold my ground. It's a massive deal. Thank you all.