Am I being selfish?

[Authoress]

My husband is super nice, we've been together for 22 years, I'm 48 and we have 3 children aged 15, 14 and 10. He looks after me well, he is a good dad. I even still find him attractive and we still have sex. Am I being selfish thinking I want more or just want to be on my own? I have thought about divorce previously and had a one night stand affair 12 years ago where we nearly got divorced but worked it out in the end. I wasn't ready to end the relationship and we worked on the trust issues. We had our third child and moved house. I wish he was more dominant in bed, I want to explore kink and possibly open our marriage but I think it is for the wrong reasons, ie if I met and played with someone "better" I would want to leave. I don't like the way he kisses. He does make effort to try new things but is a bit shy to dirty talk and it feels forced. He doesn't initiate affection much unless he wants sex. I feel trapped. Now the children are older I feel like whilst it would be difficult for them they would understand. So am I being selfish to want to separate when essentially there isn't loads wrong, we get on well as friends and he makes me laugh, does his fair share around the house. Ugh.

You'd probably be doing him a favour as your post is largely about what you don't like about him.

If you met someone better you’d leave him?

Poor bloke.

I’m sure your kids will be thrilled for your phenomenally self absorbed reasons to up end their lives and devastate their dad ..

Let me guess... you're a sahm for the past 15 years.... he's said if you ever split you'll keep the MH foreva... mortgage free natch, and you'll get 75% of his pension, assets etc..oh and both SM, CM?....😆😆

Ok guys, thanks for the support! Actually I work, and contribute financially. We would both be financially worse off if we split and we still have a mortgage.

Hmmm, I’d start by talking more and seeing if this can be fixed. Couples therapy? Individual counselling? Ultimately if you want to open up the marriage and he doesn’t you will need to split.

Let him go so that he can find someone who appreciates him and isn’t constantly looking for the next exciting thing.

You think your children would understand that you've left their Dad and broken their family because you... want to be dominated in bed, and he doesn't talk dirty ? I don't really think these are good reasons to end a marriage personally but you do you.

You should absolutely leave him. I'm sure he and the kids would probably be happier in the long run without you.

Are you perimenopausal and do you think this might be connected?
I found when I started going through that I was hyper focussed on all his faults and unable to appreciate the good things. I still am like that to a point, but it’s been better since I was on hrt.
At one point I fantasised about being on my own constantly (didn’t have any desire to find another man though) and everything he did grated on me.

Thank you. I am menopausal and on HRT, this helped with my mood and anxiety (and the hot flushes). I have talked to him, I find it hard to communicate exactly what I'm thinking in the right way. He got a bit angry and upset. Understandably. I'm still confused as to why I'm pulling away so much.

Maybe it’s worth having some therapy so you can talk through your feelings with someone without judgement.
It’s a huge decision to throw away an otherwise decent marriage over a few things that you become fixated on (and that’s the conclusion I myself reached)

I think you should leave but leave the kids with him. You can be an EOW parent and go to all the kink and swinger parties your little heart desires.

A reverse surely

OP, the grass is assuredly not always greener on the other side of the fence. When you’re sixty and alone, or with some strange man who indulges your kinks but has other….personality disorders, you will look back at your marriage and this good and kind man your husband who has already overlooked your infidelity, and wonder what on earth you were thinking.