Crushed

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Husband left ten days ago. Said he doesn’t love me anymore. Packed up and left the next day. We have two primary school aged children. He rings the bell in the morning and does the school drop off. I’m shattered. It feels like I’m carrying around a stone in my heart. Tempted to beg him to come back. Self respect seems trivial if only I could get out of this blinding pain.

Please don’t beg……. it’ll only make the pain far worse.

Get counseling/talk therapy .

And focus on the practicalities. The sooner you take charge of the divorce process, the stronger and better you’ll feel.

Gather all financial documentation, including pensions.
Educate yourself - Wikivorce, Divorce for Dummies, etc
Consult with a competent family solicitor.

I have spoken to a solicitor. It’s just the emotional aspect of it that’s flooring me.

I know how hard this must be, but talk therapy may at least take the edge of your pain.

Apart from that, it is just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other and shore up every last bit of strength to keep going and not fall apart.

And maybe make a list of all the bad stuff he ever did, things that annoyed you. Plus a list of things that you would really like to do, including stuff you couldn't do while you were with him. In other words, try and focus on the positives of a shitty situation.

Sadly it takes many many months years maybe to unstone your heart, I'm in the thick of it and although I have hours where I'm fine, I have minutes everyday still where I'm crying or very sad. And wondering what the hell happened.
Seek counselling with a marriage counsellor, decide if it's divorce or separation, find out what husband is thinking, and work from there. And cry if you want to. See yr Gp if it's v bad for help.

I’m so sorry Op.
Have you got family and friends to support you?

I'm sorry you're going through this.
Similar happened to me last summer. Ex tols me the same. I managed to get to a mlbetter place then he begged me to take him back...gave me the whole speil. I fell for it.
Then nov, dec he began cheating on me. I caught him jan red handed both of them. Awful people the pair of them.

I'm better than I was then but even now I am crushed, I cry daily and I can't stand to look at baby photos as it's a time we were together and happy. Not sure i have advice but you're not alone and it does get better, albeit slowly.

Do not beg him to come back and do not let him come back. Last summer all my friends said...is there someone else as men dont leave without another bed to jump into to. I was convinced then he wasnt. Now I dont believe him. It may not have been the person I caught him with but I'm 99% there wss someone else ans that didn't work so he begged me to take him back.

I am so sorry. I recognise the stone in the heart feeling and the temptation to beg. It is so hard these first few days and weeks. Can you have a good friend or sibling or family come stay with you for a few weeks? It might help a lot. Do look for therapy, but maybe also a divorce support group locally. Ring up and chat with all the friends and family who will be kind and supportive and most of all, be kind to yourself. Please try to avoid thinking along the lines of where did I go wrong? Relationships often come with expiry dates. It is not a failure. Just an end and also a new beginning for you. Try to plan ways to nurture yourself and the children through this loss. Lots of love to you.

You’ll be grieving, it takes time. Definitely recommend Counselling. Take care of yourself, let him have the children one weekend and book a spa or something for yourself. Take care

I hear you love, the same happened to me after 34 years of being together! You WILL feel better I promise but it may get worse before it gets better as your body reacts physically. I couldn’t eat, have lost two stone which sounds great but now none of my clothes fit … anxiety - and starvation I guess - stopped me sleeping and I was suicidal. With doctors help - anti depressants, beta blockers, sleeping tablets, and counselling I've slowly improved. It’s still hard to believe but I’ve only got to think about all the drugs I needed to function to be furious with him! Some men are just weak, and they won’t put the work into the marriage - nothing you say or do will work. For now just focus on getting through the day and don’t believe your brain - it will tell you you were really happy and you HAVE to get him back. You don’t. It’s just a matter of time now so put your power into you, your kids and friends. Seek and take whatever support you need. There will be happy times ahead. X

Hi OP this was me two years ago, I couldn’t eat or sleep, the pain was almost unbearable. Antidepressants really helped me, I also saw a relationships counsellor who helped me see that my ex was a covert narcissist and was largely responsible for the anxiety I had for years (which has now gone!) I accepted that our (20 year) marriage was over quite quickly and focussed on how much nicer my life was…is without him. That helped. It’s a horrible time OP but time does really heal. How was your relationship otherwise? Were you happy?

Thank you everyone for your replies.

No I wasn’t happy. He had completely checked out for years. I was starved of love and effection and any sort of intimacy. He had also cheated on me with coworker years ago. He made no effort to fix the issues in his head and in the marriage.

I’m battling with the grief of losing a life that I thought I would have. He swears that there’s no ow but who knows. I can begin to imagine another woman in my children’s lives. Saw a woman on insta crying because she had to give permission for her young children to go on holiday with her ex and his new partner. That has shaken me.

Is he depressed Op? Starved of love, affection and intimacy screams loss of communication and maybe depression on his side.