Co parenting with someone who hates me

[Libby334]

My stbxh is very bitter and resentful towards me. I worry he is going to cause issues for me when it comes to our daughter. We are doing 50/50 custody, and he doesn’t care about what he says in front of her. And I worry he is going to make it abundantly clear to our child that he hates me. I want to be amicable and show her we can be friends but this isn’t going to be the case. Any advice?

Let the dust settle. You don't say what caused the divorce but emotions will be high for a while because of it. 50/50 with school being the transition place works well. Dad drops off and mum picks up sort of thing if you're planning on doing a week on/week off arrangement.

Give it time but also be aware that it might not ever change. My ex is an AH and almost 6 years later, communication is often tense 🤷‍♀️

Be the grown up one who doesn't respond and say unkind things about her dad, be the steady one etc. she'll see for herself who cares for her feelings and it won't be the parent slagging off the other. His behaviour will be his downfall, just have to wait for it to happen

Thankyou. He’s extremely emotionally unintelligent and that worries me also. But I do hope she sees for herself in future. He is very bitter a the moment, he is moving out of the family home and with his parents. So I assume his anger will be there for a while but I really hope so.

School handover so you barely see each other.
When he messages you only respond to the child focused bit. Don't name call don'trant back, keep messages short and to the point. Look at 'yellow rocking'.
When your child raises issues with you be honest and child friendly and correct if you are being blamed for something (I'm still learning not to take the blame). Have responses like 'mummy and daddy just didn't 'fit' together any more but You did nothing wrong', i always follow that with how much i love them, 'it is better to have two homes, than one unhappy home'.
Top advice is if daughter raises an issue, repeat it back to her so she knows you hear and understand, but you're casting no judgement. More likely to open up further. She'll find it difficult hearing opposing views from her parents.
Communicate with dad in writing.
For your daughter look for books that you can read together about two homes but also about questioning things.
It is so hard. Feel for you and your child. Be consistent, I keep being told they will realise as they get older. Fingers crossed.

What’s happening re house/money /settlement?

he needs his own home with dd. Once he does perhaps things can settle down and emotions settle ? Time might not solve it and you may never be friends but you can get to civil . Is this quite new?

bitterness is not unusual especially if he sees himself as losing financially, irrespective of whether that’s a true assessment.

but be consistent and don’t badmouth him