How can I help my child after separation

[Ajul]

I recently moved out of the family home after living there for a year and a half post-separation. Since I was the one who initiated the divorce and couldn't bear to see my ex struggle with moving, I decided to leave.
My child knows that I wanted the separation, so he chose to stay with his dad. To make things easier for everyone, I agreed. It was tough, but I found a nice place nearby where my child can stay with me whenever he wants. I made sure he knows that I haven't left him.
The first two weeks went well, but now he doesn't want to talk to me or come over, and he blames me for moving out. Unfortunately, his father isn't helping, and we haven't spoken since I left.
I'm reaching out to see if there are any other mums in similar situations and how they cope with everything.
Thank you.

How old is your child? Unless they’re an adult then I think that you should have a fixed schedule for them visiting, rather than put the pressure of choosing onto them.

I imagine he feels conflicted - he knows you wanted to separate so will blame you for leaving his dad alone, and if dad is miserable or sad etc he’ll have guilt at seeing you if he thinks it will make dad upset.

if course it’s never that simple nor the reason for split always on just one party but that will take time to get to acceptance

his age is key here in what you do

Ps he’ll also likely see it that you chose to leave him too

I’m on the other side of this in that my ex husband did the leaving but my child (8) is very very angry refusing to see him, blames him for the impact on household finances and lifestyle (even though we stayed in the family home the reality is no foreign holidays old car less days out having to say no to things I’d usually say yes to before) , is very protective of me if she think I’m sad or upset, feels like her dad left her not just me and therefore she is at fault. She doesn’t want to see him again in her words - I’d imagine your child if they are a similar age is also cycling through these emotions and feelings.

I agree with this.

My child is 11

Strong agree. At 11 their schedule should be arranged, though with flexibility.

Honestly, I think at 11 he’s too young to have to choose

of course his wishes should be considered but you need a routine and you need to still be his mother . He shouldn’t have been placed in this situation - he’s too young for the responsibility of his decisions .

speak to ex and come up with a schedule

I don’t actually agree to be honest with the other posters - at age 11 your child should have some say

its only been a few weeks - let him get his anger and grief out - regularly check in with him and let him know you are thinking of him and there for him, arrange small short meet ups rather than insisting on overnights etc

at the end of the day you made a huge decision to put your happiness over his (and your family unit) and some anger is expected and understandable.

Same as above. There should be a schedule in place so that your 11 year old doesn't feel like they are choosing which parent. The schedule is set, that is the plan, kid is doing as the adults decided which removed the guilt for them.

Also for your home can you get them to decide how they want it decorated? Make it feel special for them and give them ownership?

Have they got a phone? Can you keep it lighthearted with silly videos, memes and things of that nature.