How to remain positive when you feel you’ll never love anyone like you did your ex

[fairydustforme]

Just that really. I was so in love with my ex. He’s the best looking guy I’ve been with, we got along great, he was smart, loyal etc.

He’s currently leaving me as I’m about to turn 40 and I’ve not fallen pregnant since we’ve been TTC. He’s now stated he wants to find a younger woman to have a family with.

I feel so discarded. It’s going to hurt like hell to watch him have the life we planned with someone else. I’ve read the horror stories about OLD and just feel like I’m going to end up either alone or with an old man who won’t excite me anywhere near how my partner did.

Im doing all the right things, trying to look after myself, remain positive, focus on myself etc but I keep coming back to the overwhelming feeling of loss.

We are still living together atm, but he’s turned so cold and distant. I can see him preparing for single life. He no longer contacts me, communicates etc. Has so easily removed me from his life, whilst I’m absolutely heartbroken. How can I ever get over this?

Bloody hell, what are you talking about?! He sounds like an absolute prize dickhead and someone I’d avoid like the plague.

He sounds like an absolute prick and I’m sorry to say this, but if he was emotionally mature and loved you he would be talking about IVF. 39 is not too old to be reasonably expecting to have a child. I had my last child at 42 (IVF). I’d be surprised if the “younger model” hasn’t already hoved into his eyeline.

You will get through this. My wife left me for someone else and it was horrendous. I thought I would never get up off the floor. But I did. You will be ok, it just takes time.

To be honest I'll think you'll be a catch in the singles world. Financially self supporting and childfree.
Also it helps to think of it as the relationship was wrong rather than your ex. You can't really change people but they react differently in different relationships - that includes you.

Be happy you loved and were loved even if you "lost". Set him free and get ready to welcome the next chapter.

The ‘being single and knocking up some council bird’ is bullshit to make you think he’s off for a fancy free life when I would bet you he has someone lined up. He just doesn’t want to risk you getting jealous as it might make you tougher over money.
Get legal advice as he could be entitled to some of your business. You want a secure future and might even have a family in the future you want to provide for and not be scrimping because of him.

He has now said he’s going to stay until the end of the summer. We have quite complicated entwined finances and that needs unlocking before he can move out. It’s strange as in some respect we’re still acting as normal, when we’re together anyway, yet we have very little communication when apart. He’ll send the odd message about something mediocre then I won’t hear anything for hours or even days if he’s away. He’s turned his location off and doesn’t really say much about what he’s doing.

It screams of OW but he swears there is not. I just don’t know how to move on yet. Perhaps I just need to not even think about moving on and just go through the motions, try and heal and once I’m ready get back out there. The silence on my phone is tough though, we used to call and text each other all the time for no reason bar just to chat. He seems so ok with not having me in his life.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I’m sorry your wife put you through that. It’s hard to be treated in a way that you would never treat others. How long ago did this happen to you?

Two years ago. First year was really tough, ngl. At the first “anniversary” I made a conscious decision to let it go. It happened. Nothing could make it unhappen. There’s a lot of life left to live. You’ll be ok, but it takes time, support from friends/family/therapy, and some hard introspection. Live your life! The one who didn’t choose you, is not The One.

Oh @nopineapplepizzathat has broken my heart. You've described so eloquently what was done to me too. I thought I was doing the right thing, I loved him so much, but he drained everything from me in the end.