Selling the family home

[FairLemonTurtle]

Hi All,

I'm just after a little bit of advise please.
I left the family home a few years back due to emotional domestic abuse. Both my children remained at the property with their father (my now ex-husband). Both children were not at harm else I would never have agreed to this.
Both children are now grown, my son is 20 and working full time, my daughter is 17 and doing a three day course at college every week (which she barely attends)
I pay £400 child maintenance a month.
I have asked my ex if he would put the property up for sale in order for me to get my own mortgage and move on (I'm currently living with my new partner). My new partner has had to take out a mortgage alone due to me being tied to the mortgage with my ex. My ex has refused, I am currently going through a solicitor who is very good but sometimes I cant help but get the feeling he's telling me what I want to hear.
My solicitor put to his solicitor that the house is sold immediately, my ex refused and came back with a counter offer that he would sell the property in 2030 when my daughter has finished her education, she will be 22 then.
I have instructed my solicitor to start court proceedings as i feel my ex is dragging his feet. My ex is unable to buy me out as he has an IVA, also he stopped paying the mortgage for a period of time about 18 months ago which has had a knock on effect to my credit rating.
My solicitor has contacted his to see where to service the court papers to and they have advised to serve them to his solicitor.
A few questions...

1. would any judge consider keeping me tied to him financially until 2030? i'm 42 now and the chances of getting my own mortgage are getting slimmer then longer i wait. If i wait will he destroy my credit rating again if he defaults?
2. the fact they are willing to accept court papers, is this an indication that i'm wasting my time, or are they hoping i'm bluffing?

Any advise at all would be great.

Thank you

Where is your 20yo son living?

He's at home with his father still

I thought that courts took in to account kids up to 18 but the judge my partner saw at first court hearing started banging on about university and kids needing a home to return to, so maybe its 21? What did your solicitor say?

Also have you thought about mediation? Mediation may result in a more amicable resolution than court. I think clean breaks with sale of family home are preferred in majority of cases where possible. Meshers rare these days from what ive read. Although nothing with court is guaranteed imho so you are better off trying to reach a reasonable resolution perhaps via mediation?

Mediation is not an option as I had to take out a restring order again my ex,
My solicitor says for him not to sell until 2030 is a rediculas request and would never wash in court, plus the missed payments on the mortgage would also go against him.hiwecer, he may just being telling ne what I want to hear.
The mortgage is £370 a month, my rent was £900 a month plus bills so I couldn't contribute as my maintenance was also £400 a month, literally would have taken me way over what I was earning,
The new mortgage my new partner has is £1300 a month due to the fact that we don't have the biggest deposit as it's tied to in the other house.

Sorry things were so bad you had to get a restraining order. That must have been a tough situation. Its is extremely frustrating to be stuck on a mortgage you want to be out of, and can feel very unfair. From what you have said, it sounds like you have no option but court so it sounds like you are doing the only thing you can now to get it resolved. Expensive but at least it will bring a resolution. If there is a history of abuse, one would think the judge would sensibly not entertain a delayed sale, particularly considering your kids are close to being adults. You may be best off paying for a barrister if you can when it gets to court. Although self representation is possible too and cheaper.

In any event it sounds like court is your only option to get things moving and whatever the outcome, it is presumably better than staying in limbo and worrying re potential outcomes. There is little you can do with an ex unwilling to negotiate and court will force the issue. Good luck.

Are you divorced?

Awe thank you so much for your advise, I really do appreciate it.
I'll be taking my solicitor to represent me, fingers crossed this is resolved soon, it's just so frustrating and unsettling x

Are you renting £900
or living with your partner-, mortsge £1300, because your share of the deposit is tied up in the house your kids live in
also once the house is sold and your ex can only afford a tiny place (as he’s default/ not able to pay the mortgage) are your kids moving in with you and your new partner- not clear …

You can apply to court yourself. Don't let a solicitor rip you off. Save your money for being represented in court.

Check out legal queen on YouTube.

Your kids still need to be housed even if they're over 18, where are you thinking they'll go? Can they live with you and your new partner?

I was renting for £900 a month, then ad of jan this year my new partner got a mortgage fir £1300.
There's plenty of equity in the property my ex lives in, about 100k between us. So my solicitor says that's enough for him to start over. When I left I didn't even have a mug and I had to start over completely from scratch,
My ex does have a new partner, they have been together about 3 years but living separately.
Both my kids are aware there is a bedroom for them if they ever wish to come and stay with me, it would never be a problem

By the sounds of it there is enough equity in the house for rent for up to 5 years if needed, even if your kids stay with your ex. Housing needs do not dictate the person who has the kids holding the right to remain an owner occupier or stay in the family home above all else in my understanding, so your solicitors advice sounds sensible. Good for your kids to know they have options so they feel secure though.

So you’d get £50,000 each?
Not really a lot if , your ex is leaving a nice big 3 bed semi/ detached , to move into a tiny terrace , he won’t be in any rush ti leave

Even with a big deposit he’s not going to be better off and I imagine will you this, to have control over you.
solicitors cost £1000s , so will eat away at the 50,000
id finalise the divorce ( 2 years separation - no blame)
Can he buy you out (give you 50,000)?

Sorry just seen he can’t buy you out.

The divorce was finalised over 2 years ago now, he ticked the box that said he didn't want the finances sorted.
He's got an IVA so buying me out isn't an option at all

This won't be helpful to you OP but may be for others reading, getting divorced without sorting this was very foolish. You should have forced a sale then and not spent years forking out on expensive rent.

I know this now but when I left I was in such a mess, he filed for the divorce and I just signed it, it wasn't until I actually went to a solicitor and he sat down with me I realised what was going on, how much I'd been controlled into thinking stuff that wasn't true, like I'd never get money out thw house as I stopped paying in etc, I was just very nieve

Sounds like you’ve been through the mill.
But you’re actually doing really well now.