Divorce NI - Advice needed

[darada]

Married for 15 years, 8 year old son. Live in Northern Ireland where I think the law is slightly different. Long term decay in relationship but recently plucked up the courage to start divorce proceedings. There’s no abuse and he’s a good dad but can’t live together any more. He earns a lot more than me and even though he pays all the bills he is quite tight. I earn my own money and he doesn’t interfere in my finances but I don’t know about his finances either.

I have put the petition in but have been told by my solicitor that my case is a bit weak and relies too much on petty grievances. My question is what can I do now because I think he is going to contest it and fight back. What are my options? Can he actually challenge the divorce petition in court and ‘win’? What will happen if that does happen? Will I be left with a hefty bill? I am beginning to think I jumped the gun a bit as I didn’t discuss it with him beforehand. Thanks in advance.

I too live in Northern Ireland and didn't realise that divorce proceedings are different here to over in England. A friend of mine living in England told me about her divorce but it is so different over here, I think I read somewhere that it's easier once you have been separated for 2 years. I am in the process of getting ready to leave and then go for a divorce so I would be keen to find out the exact process like you.

NI doesn’t have no fault divorce so you have to have grounds.

I assume you are going for unreasonable behaviour. This was widely used in the rest of the UK before no fault. Sometimes it applied but a lot of people just made it up with mutual agreement. Although that in itself was aggravating for people who may not be at the greatest point in their relationship.

The alternative is to lie and say you have been living separately for 2 years in the same house.

Is he willing to cooperate and agree to a divorce if you both recognise what you are alleging is just a means to an end. Presumably he is worried you will use this against him and may be use it to discredit him.

I think he is going to contest it. Am I right that it’s up to me to prove the marriage has broken down irretrievably? And to contest it he has to say no it hasn’t? In other words the burden of proof is on me?

How long have u been apart from him?

We live in the same house and co parent but live in separate rooms. It’s been a while not sure when but pretty much since Covid. Technically not separated but live separate lives.

You can be separated but living together to divorce. As long as it is more than 2 years. I think at 5 you don’t need his consent.

what is he contesting, the grounds or just divorcing? If it is grounds then swerve it by us8ng separated for 2 years.

Does he know it won’t make any difference to the settlement? except you are both wasting a lot of money.

If it is the unreasonable behaviour route is hopeless then you need to claim to be separated or physically separate for at least 2 years.

I’m in NI too and in a similar position except my stbxh was tight and financially abusive. I am lucky in that I am supported by woman’s aid at the moment and can avail of free legal aid. I too am fully supported by my family my dad has been my strongest ally, my dear friends and a wonderful kind therapist have all helped me get to this point. In my petition I did give reasons but if I am challenged by the ex and he decides to play dirty then I will outline how he broke the marriage contract practically after the honeymoon by cheating and I have proof he’s always cheated, a leopard never changes it’s spots. I’ve been advised that all earnings will be in the pot and the division is based on needs etc. he is a high earner and has a substantial pension so I’ve nothing to lose except time away from my boy, he’s a Disney dad anyway, he’ll protect his money before anything else.
I think any judge will agree that a marriage is over when I would explain that I don’t find him in anyway attractive, my stbxh makes my skin crawl because he’s a sleazy creep who uses only fans and working girls, our sex life was dismal due to his PE, I’m not sad to be leaving behind the vile friendless sordid grotty little man. I will prioritise my child by moving on to a better life.
I am sorry op to hijack your thread, I hope everything works out for you and you get through it, it’s important women in our position support each other, don’t be afraid to fight back, the truth will always win. Good luck with your newfound happiness and freedom.

why is he contesting the divorce
go with unreasonable behaviour as your grounds - it covers a multitude.
its 2 years of you both agree.
probably longer tbh if finances have to be sorted.
if you have a house and any assets try to obtain a matrimonial agreement which your solicitor will have to draw up and on the day of your decree nisi this will be made a rule of court.
Northern Ireland -

Daughters just been through it - got her decree nisi up in the High Court Belfast on Wednesday and she’s to wait now 6 weeks one day until the decree absolute which your solicitor just applies for automatically on your behalf..
about 3 years altogether for the divorce.
she got her house fully signed over all the equity - grounds for her were unreasonable behavior and adultery.
she had to pay for the divorce- or it never would have happened
it’s a long journey - wish you all the best

Why do you need a reason to divorce? I didn’t know that.

This applies in Northern Ireland. It does not apply in England.

No fault divorce was introduced in England a few years ago. Prior to that it was the same. You needed a reason, which could be adultery, separation or unreasonable behaviour. The fact that cause was needed to do something which is inevitable in the long run only increased acrimony which is bad for the children. For example you might be ok with the divorce but not happy to be accused of unreasonable behaviour

in this case it is hard to know whether the OPs ex is objecting to divorce or the one who behaved unreasonably.

Can I ask the approximate cost of the procedure. I understand if you would rather not say Thanks

Staring Divorce process in Northern Ireland. Been separated legally for a number of years. Any idea of the cost. Thanks