Separated but upset how much money Ex DH spending

[Stressheadmumma]

So we separated about 6 months ago and haven’t yet put house on the market. I am able to stay in family home for another year until mortgage rate ends. In the meantime, ex is being reckless with what he is spending, going out all the time and buying himself loads of new things. So my question is if I save any money between now and divorce coming through does he take half of that? Is there anyway of saving without this happening as I’m worried about buying future house and a need to save over the next year towards this. I can’t stop him doing what he is but just want to try and protect my money going forwards. Should we be agreeing financial settlement sooner and would this mean savings in a years time won’t need to be looked at?

It’s a case of yes and no. Whilst it is possible to argue that debt and savings post split should not be considered marital assets, it may not be a simple as that. For example if someone who moves out is incurring high housing costs compared to other party who stays in the family home then one can save and one might run up debt. But the reason that is happening is because of the circumstances of the marriage.

Then there is the issue that if you do keep your savings it will reduce your need for a share of assets. Sometimes that is relevant and sometimes it isn’t.

In your circumstances I would save in a new account that quite clearly didn’t exist during the marriage. Yes you can move forward with the finances recognising that the sale of the house is deferred until the mortgage ends. It will probably take that long anyway and you can begin to market the house.

Don’t bother with a separation agreement as it would take as much time and effort.

I remember this worry. Not proud of this really but I squirrelled away a few £k with my best friend of over 30 years.
In the end we didn’t look at each others savings before we separated but it was a sensible move because he spends like crazy and is running out of money now. I use mine to support and house our three DC.
Still not divorced so no financial order but at least my money is tied up in a house now and he wouldn’t come after that.

Withdraw chunks of cash on a semi regular basis and hide it. If anyone queries it say you’ve used it for food / travel / whatever else.

@Stressheadmumma you can also save in cash and conceal it. for every pound you see him spending, you can also do the same but not spend it.

Get cash back when you shop
I’m pretty sure if your shopping is £100 get £50 cash back
and your bill will just show 150 for the shopping so the £50 won’t be noticeable on bank statements

This is what I did! Our finances were such that I agreed for my ex to keep all our savings and shares plus the proceeds from selling our caravan in return for me keeping the equity in the family house and getting a share of his pension. We waited four years to finalise the details for a new Pension Sharing Act to become stature ( back in 2000) so I had time to build up £5k of savings by cash back. I hid this around the house in various places in £50 bundles that my teenage son would not find ie inside a tampax box, in the lining of a bra, sellotaped behind a picture etc. As my stash grew, I needed to find a better place especially for when I went on holiday leaving my son behind. So, knowing my children hated veggie burgers, I took out the contents of a box and managed to get all £5k inside it then hid it at the bottom of my large chest freezer! It stayed there untouched for a couple more years until the divorce was finalised and I could open a new savings account.

It was my solicitor who suggested I did this, she called it the stuffed sock tactic! If my ex had examined my bank statements, she told me to say that my food bills had increased due to buying more convenience foods now I was working full time and also drinking a lot of alcohol because I was emotionally upset!

This might be because, when it comes to the financial disclosure part of divorce proceedings, the judge will take into account your 'normal' patterns of spending. Your ex-H's 'normal' pattern of spending will be factored in to any asset split.

I wish I had thought about this. During my separation my xh went on 7 expensive holidays in 8 months so that although he earned 5 times what I did when it came to putting together a list of assets/debts I had some savings and he was in debt because of it. I had to fight to get him to agree that he was spending recklessly but luckily as there was decades of financial abuse prior to this that I was able to prove that this was intentionally done to punish me and we ended up having to declare personal assets/debts from the point of separation rather than when we filed for divorce. At that point he had considerably more money than me so it did work out in my favour in the end, but it was extra work and extra legal bills to get it fixed.

I was about to say the cash trick as well..
Just give your children pocket money in cash, and give yourself some as well, say it is for transport, and bits, pay for petrol in cash and keep the bills, so easy to miss a few fill ups and save the cash....l

Assuming you are not in Scotland because you can base financial position on the date of separation

After separation but before divorce I managed to live quite frugally and put some money away in savings, which I gave each month to a trusted family member. So so pleased I did!

Unless you take the savings out in cash & put it in a safety deposit box

I may have squirreled some away by buying premium bonds in DC names.

My ex cashed in his entire pension fund in just over a year. More than £100k, lots went to HMRC of course. When he tried to plead poverty in Court, he was told by the Judge that he had been financially reckless spending on fripperies (I kid you not) and had he not done so, he would have been OK financially. I was awarded all the assets. Hah.

Also, every time you do a weekly shop, get £50 cashback and put it somewhere safe. It soon adds up.

This. Save in cash only.

Do your DCs have savings accounts? Could you save in their accounts rather than your own name? Im not sure if they would look at your DCs savings or be able to touch them but its just a thought if its possible.

I put my savings in my friends safe in cash. No record and he couldnt get his grubby hands on it after emptying the savings account. I felt no guilt

Take out cash back or buy gift cards (that you can later spend on groceries) with your food shop and hide them. Don’t put the savings in your children’s names. Buy the things now that you are likely to need in the near future.

I’d keep a record of his spending for the next 12 months.

100% cash, was about to say the same and saw your comment!! But I hate the way you have to explain to anyone why you’re withdrawing your OWN money!! The fact they ask is ridiculous, if someone’s withdrawing it to buy drugs they’re hardly gonna say that 😂 But yes hide the cash and not in a safe in your home or usual daft “hiding spots” people use where it can be easily found, put it well hidden out of reach but also protected incase there’s a fire or something.