Im hoping someone out there might be able to give me some advice or even just an opinion on what I should do after finding my fiancé has been using online web chats. I should really give a full overview so that it makes sense as this isn’t the first time.
We have been together 5 years, we have a 2 year old son, mortgage and i’m 40 weeks pregnant due any day. At the start of our relationship I discovered he had a tendency to spend a lot of time online looking at women but not just porn, he would watch videos on social media apps etc too. I confronted him about this and said I can’t accept that in a relationship as he was watching women sexually online whenever he could - work, toilet, relaxing at home or just anywhere when I wasn’t present. We had a huge bust up but he agreed to stop it now he’s in a relationship and I chose to move past it.
Over the years there have been moments he’s been caught out doing it again - typically it was on tiktok. When I had our son 2 years ago I found out he had a gambling addiction too and was spending money from the joint account trying to get back what he lost. I also walked in on him watching porn the first night he was left responsible for our son whilst I got some rest in the spare room - I was about 2 months PP. I came up for a cuddle and found him hands down his pants watching porn. Again huge bust up but I chose to help him, he banned himself with gambling, deleted lots of apps and promised that was the end of it. Over the two years there have been moments I have been suspicious he’s still doing it however I have more important things to care about now like looking after our son and focusing on my happiness. He is a fantastic father and outside of this he is a wonderful partner to me. I have absolutely no other complaint and always thought myself quite lucky to have someone like him. Fast forward to today when I was up at 2am as I thought my waters broke and I went on the ipad to download some games as I couldn’t sleep. In the app history I saw a whole trail of previously downloaded apps from 2023 - the time I caught him watching porn when our son was born. These apps were dating sites, live webcams and chat rooms. I immediately woke him to confront him to which he admitted he did download the apps when he was in a “bad place” but it was only for webcam stuff or lives when masturbating and that he didn’t engage in any conversation with anyone. He swears it’s a thing where anyone can join and you just watch. I checked out all of the apps infront of him and what he is saying does not fully add up. He got a google phone in 2023 so anything on the apple store stopped around that time.
I went on his phone which I wouldn’t normally do but wanted to check if he’s doing it there. I didn’t get a chance to look at much since he walked in but I did see he’s been watching videos online of women again. Now I dont really like the idea of him watching porn but accept most men do - however these videos are on youtube etc and he’s watching them when i’m home! He watched some in the garage where he vapes whilst I was with our son upstairs and then another lot when I had to drive to the hospital due to reduced movements. Literally five minutes after I left he started watching the videos?
So now i’m feeling so hurt and betrayed. I want to believe him but he has lied so many times about a million things and the facts are right there for me to see.
My question is - would you stay or leave? Taking into consideration two young children and our whole life is set up together.
I am torn as I do love him but I cannot trust him and feel disrespected.