What should I read during awful divorce

[sadinnards]

I’ve left my marriage. I was being treated poorly and didn’t want my children to see me being treated like that. I thought our children would stay with me as they’re young but STBX demanded shared care, and my heart breaks when I’m not with them.

What can I read to soothe my soul and feel better about the situation? I have a lot to process, I wake up at night feeling awful. I need to find strength and not wallow and make the most of every day. I come across negative comments about divorce and feel such a failure and a bad person, but I don’t know what else I could have done. I was so trapped and isolated, had tried counselling etc.

So Mumsnet, can you please prescribe any books for soul medicine? Probably fiction, true stories or self help. I’m not religious but not anti it, especially Quakers, Buddhists etc, if someone is wise and kind I’ll listen (though not quite ready for forgiveness at this point). Maybe stories of divorces, children’s perspectives, more general soul healing advice, how to make the best of a bad divorce, how to be a great single mum or true stories about war, suffering, loss etc to help me put it all in perspective, or anything else you think might help?Thank you.

Matt Haig, the comfort book is getting me through my divorce. Hope you're ok

I have just finished 'Why Fish Don't Exist' by Lulu Miller. Totally not what I expected it to be but very reflective about life and the paradox of our insignificance and significance. It's only 200 pages, and very readable.

Beth Kempton’s Wabi Sabi. If you’re into poetry Everything is going to be all right collated by Cecilia Knapp. Both feel good for the soul.

I was looking for a book to read recently that I could just enjoy. I had just discovered my husband’s affair and my concentration was shot and I couldn’t cope with anything triggering. A friend recommended Miss Benson’s Beetle. It doesn’t offer any revelations or solve any problems but it did provide good, gentle escapism. I’ve also just finished The Women which again was not too taxing on the concentration but kept me focussed.

Also I want to say that what you have done is extraordinarily brave so please don’t doubt that.

Thank you all. I’m touched to have replies already. I’ve only read the reviews so far but had a little weep already, very thoughtful recommendations. Thank you for your kindness and caring.

This looks a good list already and I’m open to as many recommendations as Mumsnet has to offer, I think I will be working through this all for a long time with the help of my local library. Thank you.

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

I’m following to see what else comes up. I’m in a similar boat OP. Early stages of divorce.

I read Lessons In Chemistry recently and although it might not fit your bill fully it was a really good read.

Life After Life by Kate Atkinson takes you out of yourself and you see the bigger picture of how life can turn out. God in Ruins is the companion book to it.

Still Life by Sarah Winman is a lovely thoughtful book everyone I know that’s read it has enjoyed it.

You could make this place beautiful by Maggie Smith. I ugly cried through it.

Every so often I reread Pema Chödrön's When Things Fall Apart : Heart Advice For Difficult Times. I find something different every time.

So sorry you're going through this.

I read - I am enough by Marisa peer. When your self confidence is at a low this reminded me of my accomplishments and gave me back some self worth . Also when negative thinking took over I took back some control by buying a diary on Amazon called - 6 minute diary. Expensive for what it was but lots of space to write and reflect , to think of positives in each day and little inspirational quotes which lifted me

I enjoyed Helen Thorn's 'get divorced be happy ', sprinkled with anecdotes and interviews, really engaging read / listen (she reads the audiobook).

Thank you all for your kind suggestions. I’ve ordered my first couple from the library. They don’t have them all but I’ve found a couple to get started with and there are more yet to search for on the list.

At the worst part of my divorce when i would lie awake in the early hours riddled with anxiety and sadness I turned to my old childhood books.

Lost myself in a lot of Mallory Towers and there was something very soothing about it. I would also listen to audiobooks of it as it reminded me of being read to as a child and was comforting. Eased my anxiety.

I still love audiobooks and podcasts and find I can potter around the house getting lots of stuff done whilst listening. And they help as a good distraction when life is hard.

Over time things will get better. But divorce is bloody hard and sad and you are in the early days. I hope you find some comfort in the books suggested by everyone and that life bit by bit improves.

I am now 15 years on from those Mallory Towers nights and am remarried and have a really happy life and thriving grown up extended family. Not something I could have imagined all those years ago when the world was so hard.

Wishing you all the very best.

Thank you for your kind message. I used to love Mallory Towers too as a child so will bear that tip in mind!

How to heal a broken heart- Rosie Green. Includes her personal account of navigating a marriage breakdown and divorce. Sending love ❤️

The Salt Path, or any other walking literature. I’m currently reading In Green by Louis Hall. I find walking literature incredibly healing and peaceful.

Just started listening to the Rosie Green book. Thank you for the suggestion. I wouldn’t have expected it to be so good but it articulates so many of my experiences and has had me nodding along. A lot of validation and good advice.