Has anyone gone through a break and things got better?

[Lanafer]

My husband and I had a conversation few days ago where he had an outburst. He went on to say what he thinks about me and also that he wants a divorce. We haven’t spoke since then and he is living in a separate room. I understand it came from resentment. I have a 1year old. I have no support system. I don’t feel connected to my partner. I am trying to regulate my emotions and sort out my life while balancing the household. My husband picks up everything i say and critically thinks about them followed by psychoanalysing me. I feel undermined and dumb around him. I have to think 100 times what im saying and will end up not saying anything or the wrong thing which is a pressure. He would then pick up on both. Now its affecting me. My self image and esteem. I needed some space and im bit relieved that we are getting a break. But is it going to leave a strain? Should i offer to go for counseling now?

I really wish I had some advice but I can only offer a hand-hold. Sounds like a really difficult situation to be in. I do think that life as a couple when you have really young kids can be very tough. Please don’t let him make you feel less than you are 💐

It is concerning that you are under such a degree of scrutiny as it sounds like he gets to judge and criticize you but you could not do this to him. This sounds extremely unequal.

Someone who controls the conversations in a relationship will end up controlling the relationship and there are several red flags that suggest you are experiencing coercive control - feeling undermined by him, being made to feel dumb and your self-esteem being impacted. Him criticizing all you say and then psychoanalysing you is a classic pattern to wear someone down. Threatening to leave you but not following through is another tactic to make you feel scared and vulnerable.

A standard relationship which offers equal support and mutual respect would make you feel supported and more confident. I suggest you contact Women's Aid for support.

I’ve got experience of this- might’ve started around the same stage as well, firstborn aged 1. 12 years later still in the same situation and threats only this time it’s me saying I want to go and him desperately trying to reconcile - absolutely mind blowing dilemma.
Id just advise you hold him to the separation and don’t have him back unless you do both go to counselling (doubt he will- scared they’ll see through him) or at least he recognises what he’s been doing. If he doesn’t go through with the separation just don’t spend the rest of your relationship believing his threats. The energy and tears I’ve wasted on what he calls his attempts to show me how upset he was. You are stronger than you know and you will be fine or even better without him - this is classic manipulation and he needs to know you can see it for what it is. Good luck