Separation just happened and it’s awful

[haveiwokenup]

I posted not so long ago that my husband and I were having a few difficulties. I’ve not felt the same way about him for some time, and I’ve struggled to come to terms with that myself mainly because we’ve recently moved house and have a 3 year old.

Things came to a head today and I basically told him how I was not happy (again, had this conversation a couple of months ago). He’s taken it pretty badly, wants to try counselling and I’m not sure if I want that. I’ve felt this way for a couple of years and we have tried. But I just can’t help feeling so bloody awful. I feel like I’ve destroyed him and ripped his life from under his feet. But also for our 3 year old. I feel like a terrible person.

There's lots of talking to do, and for now he’s moved into the spare room but he’s said this has come as a shock and we both need to figure out what we want.

I’m not sure why I’m posting this or what I hope to gain from it, but if anyone has been in a similar situation I’d love to know if it got easier, what happened etc I’ve often thought would it be better to just trundle along for the sake of not ripping apart my family in the hope things will get better. But I’m not sure that’s the right thing to do 😢

I would see the counsellor unless he is unreasonable and miserable to live with. It can't hurt and it could help an awful lot, especially with a 3 year old. There could be all sorts going on for you or him.

What are the difficulties? Is he abusive? Lazy?

OP, I read your other thread - you could try counselling, especially over money issues, but in the final analysis, do you want to stay with this man? Because if not, you’re just prolonging the inevitable. You need to think about what you actually want and how you see life ahead for your DC and yourself. You say it’s come as a shock to your DH - does that mean he doesn’t want a separation? I’d say you can try counselling, but you have to go into it with an open mind. Divorce is a big deal and not to be undertaken lightly when there are children involved, and you need to be sure. You said in your other post that you’d had an emotional affair with someone else - which makes me wonder if you’re looking for something that your husband can’t provide. Perhaps counselling would allow you to get your own thoughts in order, and also for both of you to be able to put your POV about your marriage in a “safe” environment. You say, “There’s lots of talking to do” - at least if you do it with a counsellor, it won’t turn into a slanging match, and you’ll both have a chance to have your say.

I would recommend counselling, even if you say you don't want to stay together it will help you both to understand each other. And that is really important with a child together, you are going to be in each other's lives so developing communication skills, which counselling does, will benefit your child through a coparenting journey.

If he is a good father and he still loves you and wants to make things work, I would not leave him unless you have tried everything else.