Scandalous custody decision - is this right?

[DryRiser]

Genuinely writing this for a friend who has been right royally stitched up in the courts. She needs help and advice.

Divorced from EH 3 years ago. Financials etc were all sorted, but custody and schedule was still being disputed. Friend was happy to offer 50/50 custody, but some flexibility on how is was managed... but the children (two, 11 and 7) didn't want this, and neither did EH.

EH has now taken my friend to court seeking a 60/40 split (which my friend has already offered out of court), essentially 6 days out of every 14, but in consecutive days. The children didn't want this, and their statements were taken, but failed to be addressed in the magistrates court.

My friend has spent upwards of £60k fighting this, and ultimately has lost, with the EH getting the 6 consecutive days he wanted, along with the scheduling of these planned upto 2 years in advance, with no flex at all.

This 8/6 day split applies also over Christmas. Not Xmas Eve/Day/Boxing split like normal people.

In addition he also sought and won the right to collect and keep his children first before every school break, for the first week. All this means that this Xmas, he'll have his kids from Dec 12 through to Boxing Day, and won't permit any contact at all with their mum.

Apparently the magistrate decided all this with barely any imput to the contrary, and ignored the children's wishes. The barrister was astounded, but my friend now has zero money left to appeal the decision.

How can this be right, that a mother is denied her children in a 2 week period over xmas?

She has to ride with it until she has proof of abuse to dc or neglect during their stays with him.
Xmas is a while away.
She should see how it goes.
And keep a diary
Note any changes issues at school etc

Are they at private school? Hence from 12 December?

Children "do not want" is not a powerful reason a two year old cannot express this.
But as they get older they might get listened to more. See how it goes.

How can anybody give advice on a third hand account of a court hearing from a very biased reporter?

I read it as there are two children who are 7 & 11 year old, not a 2yo. The opinions of the 11yo should be listed to, and the 7yo should at least be considered.

If the ex is just doing this to be a dick and doesnt really want to have this custody in reality then she needs to show him what it means. This means she does nothing to facilitate his time with the kids. No reminders of clubs or school work or anything and no organising of anything that falls in his time.
This will have a temporary impact on the kids but he will either step up or he will decide he doesn't want it after all.
If I'm brutally honest I think the fixed schedule is easier in any event, far better to have it known all well in advance than having to be constantly liaising with ex on things. The Xmas does suck I agree but again remember she will get other fixed dates and perhaps she could go back to court in the future to change it. Especially once the kids are a bit older.
Mag sounds awful though I agree

Anyone can appeal a magistrates decision. She can do it alone without paying lawyers. There's guidance online on how to do it.

Without sounding judgey….. I’m surprised your friend got divorced without sorting child contact arrangements first (these are usually the 1st thing to be agreed before the consent order & the absolute is issued). I find it difficult to believe your friend has spent £60k ‘arguing’ in court. £60k that could have been spent on the kids.

Whenever I hear young children not wanting certain contact with their dad, it sends me red flags - as it’s usually driven by what the mother wants, or kids saying what mum wants to hear to please her.

The court has decided - so your friend needs to adhere to the order & give it a go. Better to have a schedule agreed in advance rather than trying to agree between themselves which never works IMO. Usually because the parent awarded more time thinks they are in charge and can dictate.

The mum not seeing her kids for 2 weeks over Christmas is no different to dads who are ‘only allowed’ to see their kids EOW. It’s normal for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day & Boxing Day to be awarded to one parent. Next year - the other parent gets it.

This is a problem with magistrates courts giving judgements on family law. Magistrates are often not fully qualified family lawyers. In this case I think only the 11 year old would have views taken into account. The 7 year old would be a bit too young.

I disagree with making dc suffer if mum doesn’t remind dad of what routine is. It’s making them centre of the war and it’s not fair. Stays with dad should be facilitated. It’s expected the other way round too. It’s probably time to get on with making it work.

I her shoes my Christmas would be 27th (Christmas Eve) 28th and 29th. Kids would love it!

@Mooselooseinmyhoose In the family court you cannot appeal a decision because you don’t like it. Guy must have grounds such as a serious mistake or lack of procedure being followed. A barrister would advise on this but mags are well known for odd decisions but not necessarily ones that can be appealed.