Stalemate

[TheGoldOtter]

After a year of mediation, my STBXH and I have settled on a financial agreement. It's not perfect. I have made concessions. He has made concessions. But I believe it will work for us both.
I want to get a solicitor to look it over and basically check what I'm signing up for.
He has told me if I do that he'll put the whole thing in the bin and we'll start from scratch and do everything through solicitors.
I've tried to gently point out to him that we both need to get legal advice - that it's in fact a requirement of a consent order, to demonstrate we're not going into this blindly. The mediator has also tried to point this out. He nodded and agreed with the mediator present. Now he is sending me emails stating 'his conditions' for moving forward. And they involve me not getting legal advice.
I know I just have to hold my ground. It would be INSANE to not get legal advice! But has anyone any advice on how to help him see reason? Has anyone else been in this situation?

Why do you need to get him to see reason? It's not your responsibility. Get legal advice and don't tell him you have done so. He's been told what he needs to do by the mediator, he's chosen not to take that advice. Stop letting him control you.

Pp has it. Just do it. If it raises issues (which based on his reaction it may well do) then it will blow everything up anyway.

Do you mind me asking what the settlement looks like? I'm wondering if it favours him and that you 'concessions' were letting him get away with more then his fair share. He's making a fuss because he realises this will be obvious to a solicitor.

If he’s telling you not to get a solicitor then he knows the agreement isn’t fair and he’s diddling you! Get legal advice.

You don’t need his permission

Why are you telling him?
Just do it and don't tell him.

How would he know you’ve sought legal advice???

Learn to keep things to yourself.

Why are you discussing it with him? Or trying to get him to agree with you on that?

Just take the agreement to a solicitor - or, even better, a direct access barrister. In my interactions with legal system during my divorce - barristers were much better and got to the point faster. Solicitors always seemed to be too vague.

You are divorcing him. He has no future say in what you do in your life. You don't need his approval. Just get legal advice. You don't need to tell him but if you want to tell him then do so.

I think it depends on if you had good understanding of assets etc while in the marriage and if so do you feel it’s fair split?

I didn’t need disclosure or legal input as I knew all our monies and we agreed a split between us.

if you don’t know that or if it’s unbalanced eg 80:20 then yes seek advice. Dud you have any initial legal advice so you had a view on possible outcomes?

imo lawyers will make things antagonistic but that’s my view if what I’ve seen

Get legal advice and don’t tell him.

Get legal advice and don't tell him. That's what I did.

He's trying to threaten you to scare you off going to the solicitors, presumably because he thinks they'll encourage you to go for more. You don't need to tell him what you're doing, just do it.

My ex tried to do the same. I ended up with two thirds more than he tried to tell me I was due.
Your ex is not on your side. He’s looking after himself, you should do the same.