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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Telling the kids about our separation.

32 replies

tellmesomethingtrue · 08/04/2025 17:00

Has anyone recently told their KS2 children about your separation? We are close to telling our DC this week. We are currently having to still live together but we are mid-divorce. Waiting for house to sell. Do you have any advice please? I’m dreading telling them although I would like them to know. I feel bad keeping everything from them and not acknowledging that the arguments they are witnessing are wrong so we’re doing something about it. It feels like once they know, it will suddenly feel very real. Is anyone willing to share their experience please? No idea how my DC will react.

OP posts:

Clelja · 10/05/2025 18:07

Em1988x · 06/05/2025 09:52

I’m also in the same situation and mine are 8 and 11. Is your child sitting sats next week? That’s one thing that has delayed our telling them, which is difficult when husband is moving out Friday

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Mine are 8 and 11 too. We are waiting until after SATs to tell them. Feel sick at the prospect.

PinkPassion · 11/05/2025 19:07

Babysteps123 · 06/05/2025 10:29

Sorry you're in the same boat. No, he doesn't see a need for the separation, whereas to me it's glaringly obvious. There's no one else involved so it's harder to 'justify', but I also know that it's an essential next step as it's been affecting my emotional and physical health for so long. But I feel awful for my son (& to a certain extent for my STBX, as it's not his fault that he is wired the way he is), yet on the other hand I can't wait until the cat is out of the bag and I don't have to worry about telling DS anymore...

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Babysteps123 I feel like I could have written this. I feel like we're in the same situation and I am also dreading telling my DC (teens) but at the same time I can't wait until we've told them because I feel like I'm lying to them every day. I want the separation but my husband didn't see it coming. We're still living together and I'm finding it so hard putting on a happy front. Will watch this thread with interest for others' experiences. Good luck to everyone ❤

Original poster

tellmesomethingtrue · 11/05/2025 21:32

I’ve told them. It was horrendous but I got through it. I feel an enormous relief that I’m not lying to them anymore.

OP posts:

PinkPassion · 11/05/2025 21:43

tellmesomethingtrue · 11/05/2025 21:32

I’ve told them. It was horrendous but I got through it. I feel an enormous relief that I’m not lying to them anymore.

Well done on getting through it. Sending a hug to you.

Em1988x · 12/05/2025 14:58

tellmesomethingtrue · 11/05/2025 21:32

I’ve told them. It was horrendous but I got through it. I feel an enormous relief that I’m not lying to them anymore.

We told ours sat night too and the tears from youngest, she is 8, wow broke my heart and she cried herself to sleep and in shower yesterday. Doesn’t want dad to be alone so feels bad for him. Eldest is 11 and whilst he took it well, I do think it’s on his mind but not showing emotion. I sat him down today as had to fetch him from school because he was sick during sats 🙈😟 and he said he is sad but he knows he can still see his dad so is ok with it. I think we timed it all wrong with telling them and then next day him moving out. She said she wished she had longer with him. I’m kicking myself now for not being brave and doing it last week. How are your kids doing?

averythinline · 12/05/2025 17:22

I think the sooner the better really...kids are generally more emotional aware than you think even if they don't articulate things... Especially if you're arguing lots it gives a good reason... I was advised the nost important thing is resolutions and honesty..
So something like that timeout example above ... And what you think will stay the same eg school and what may change.. don't make big promises and in an odd way not a big deal either... They are less likely to talk if they think it's going to upset you .
And give them space... The reality may take some time to surface

Fishergirl · 12/05/2025 20:45

My stbexh and I have separated but are still living together. We were planning on not telling our ds until the house has to go on the market. Do you think this is delaying things though?

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