My ex-husband and I have two children in their mid to late teens now. Divorced when they were little, he met and remarried his now wife very soon during/afterwards
We don’t have a good relationship at all. Sometimes we have got on okay as recently as last year - ie when I’ve had to have conversations with him about my older daughter for example as she has a medical condition. But essentially, it’s been difficult. No screaming and shouting or slanging matches or anything like that though , it just is what it is. Things said in anger or miscommunication in texts in the early years of separation and occasionally in more recent years.
Recently my youngest daughter has been talking about her future wedding ( she’s not engaged etc just hypothetical ) and how she doesn’t know how it would work as her dad would refuse to be in the same room as me. Her boyfriend has divorced parents who are both now remarried and all get on famously, so I think my daughter is embarrassed too. Her comment has surprised me really as I didn’t think it was as bad as that - but actually, it is. I don’t really know what to say to her. I reassured and said it would be okay, etc, this is years off yet etc. But this is a real concern for her and now I’m thinking, what if this is not ever okay?
It’s sad to think she has to worry about this. I have always promoted the relationship between him and our children - I’m not perfect and I could have handled some things better but I’ve honestly never stood between him and them. This has never been dragged through court etc. I don’t regret that he’s their dad.
Like I said I’m not perfect - I don’t understand the extent of the hate towards me but I have to accept it. It makes me feel though that when the time comes for my daughter to get married then I just shouldn’t go to make it easier for her, and to enable him to be there. If I did that though I’d probably just be accused of Narcissistic behaviour - i’d never be seen favourably regardless of anything I did.
I feel very sad and ashamed of myself and the fact that my daughter/s have to navigate this, and I can’t see a way of this ever being set right. I thought I’d protected them and done right in many ways over the years but it’s just all a big mess really.
I didn’t know if anyone had had similar experiences or any advice.