Had "the chat". What now?

[WhatNow021]

Finally admitted to my husband of 8 years a couple of days ago that I wasn't happy, and wanted to separate. He said he agreed, and that we would both be better off apart. Since then, he has been completely silent. Won't communicate, won't discuss any plans for how to navigate the separation.

He will be moving out (my house), and I'm happy to help him house hunt etc. I genuinely have no ill will towards him and have offered both logistical and financial help for his move.

I understand he will need time to process everything, but I'm so worried of falling into the trap where he just stays here, giving me silent treatment (one of the reasons I want to separate!), indefinitely.

Any tips?

I fear that once your husband seeks any kind of advice, he'll realise it actually isn't "your house" in the eyes of divorce law.

It’s not your house, it’s a joint marital asset that will need division

I would get legal advice regarding where you stand financially after divorce and discuss it with him. Discuss co parenting if you have children and what you're doing about the house eg buying him out.

Yes, he does have occupancy rights but he's fully in agreement with leaving - especially as I'll be paying for his new bachelor pad!
Just worried now that he's so comfy in his life he's going to stall just due to laziness. He went to bed at 7pm tonight. Urgh.

Are you in the UK? If you didn’t live together before getting married 8 years ago, it might just be classed as a “short marriage “ but I really suggest you get good legal advice. (A pre-nup might help too.)

Don't worry - on it with the legal advice, and know exactly where I stand etc. I am the breadwinner and have fully protected myself (and our shared children) throughout our marriage. I also don't want him to have a shit quality of life, so am happy to help him financially on an ongoing basis (already set out in our pre-marital agreement).
I just need him to leave but without me literally shooing him out the door.

Surely the starting point is 50/50 for everything?

It is, and he won't be losing out on anything he is entitled to. He will be fine (well, more than fine - he's going to come out of this quite well, much better than if we stayed together). I just need him to actually get his head out his arse so we can have a conversation, see the solicitor etc etc.

OK you seem to have the legals covered.

Actually getting rid, yes I can see could be an issue.
Have you filed for divorce? Maybe get on and do that, which might make things more real when he receives that.

How are you getting on today ? I’m in the same position although not married.
My partner has gone to work this morning after an argument last night. I wanted to sleep on the sofa, well I wanted him to sleep on the sofa but he wouldn’t. He asked me to come to bed and rest as it was horrible to be separated, then this morning went to work, didn’t say goodbye and hasn’t spoke to me since. I’m working this evening and he’ll be asleep when I get home - I just feel like the silent treatment is so horrible waiting for someone to acknowledge you exist. I know he’s at work but a simple “hope you’re alright” or something … it’s crap !