Mother and Primary Carer moving out of the family home

[CocoCoconutM]

I’ll be the one to leave (eventually) and ex will remain in the family home. I don’t believe that ex would be able to mentally cope with leaving the family home plus I’m planning to leave him in secret due to emotional abuse.

Is it going to seem odd my leaving our family home (I’m the primary caregiver) and ex remaining? I’m worried about dealing with questions from family members/co-workers etc about why I was the one to leave and he’s getting to keep the house? Is it very unusual for the mother to leave and be the one to move out? I could potentially end up moving out of our little suburb and moving 5/6 miles away (affordable rent)

I know ex would refuse to leave our home and it’s simpler for me to be the one to go as I know he’ll refuse to leave.

I did it in October…exactly what you described. Is it unusual? I don’t know as I don’t tend to probe others on the decisions behind who goes where on separation. I’ve do know my husband would have refused to leave as that had been stated in previous arguments.

But I would pull you up on one thing if you’re married…he’s not keeping the house, he’s living in it. It is still a marital asset. I’m renting but now I’ve started divorce proceedings I will either be moving back and buying him out or vice versa, or the house will be sold. You are not giving up your right to the asset just because you’ve moved out.

It’s not unusual

We both rent - we don’t have a mortgage. Our children have known no other house though and will probably see it as their default home. But I’m happy to start fresh somewhere and create new happy memories in my new home. I guess I worry about people’s reactions to the mother leaving instead of the Dad.

I moved out with DD. We're at my parents for now - still paying towards the mortgage. Once the house has sold then I'll buy something new. One of us needed to stay living in the house but this was the least disruptive for DD. If we'd stayed she would have needed to move schools, this way she started locally.

Are you leaving your kids behind with him in sole custody? That would cause comment but any other arrangement, no.

No, I’m the primary carer and would have our youngest 80% of the time and my oldest teen around 50/60% of the time.

Oldest teen would probably prefer some nights to go out with friends after school and stay with his Dad, he’s old enough to let himself into both houses and come and go. With the oldest it’ll be more flexible but the youngest can’t be left alone so will stay with me most of the time.

I don't see why you choosing to live in a new house would cause the slightest negative comment then. Unless your Ex leaves you high and dry and having to find the funds to furnish it yourself and taking nothing except your own belongings. That would cause negative comment for him.

If anyone asks, you can simply say that you fancied a change, never liked the old house, wanted somewhere more rural/more urban/more open plan etc etc.

Very best of luck with the move.

I left, with the kids. People have been surprised that I left as the main carer but more because they feel dad should have moved out and put the kids first. Nothing said badly about me setting up a new home. It has been beneficial in lots of ways as we have our new memories here and they aren't overshadowed by the past as much as they would have been staying in the old house.

I would say that when you leave make sure you take 50% of everything in the house. Once you leave he can change the locks and it is extremely hard to get anything like furniture etc. Wishing you luck!