Back story: myself and husband and out families were friends and neighbours for 15 years before we got together. He is 6.5 years younger than me and us getting together was a big shock (he had tried it on with me a few times before we got together).
Fast forward to 12.5 years ago - I dont know how it happened, but at night out turned into something more and we were both completely smitten. We were so happy and our families were over the moon and everything was literally perfect. We got married and had 2 children together and he became step dad to my eldest.
His partying days calmed down until our middle child started having multiple health issues, because he didn't know how to handle the situation (he admits that now) he ended up spending alot if time down the pub, playing golf and socialising. He absolutely adores all of our children but does find our middle child very hard work, and he deals with her issues by going to see friends.
In turn, I became resentful, stopped wanting intimacy and just got on with our new "normal,"
We ended up having marriage counselling- which was great and massively helped. Until I saw that he
had messaged to other women in our town. Nothing had happened, but i do think if they came onto him I think he would love the attention. Things still didn't feel quite right, I then found multiple calls to s3x workers - which of course he said nothing happened as he "wimped out". I don't buy it at all and my confidence levels are at rock bottom. (There's alot more to the story)
It has become extremely toxic (we've never argued, let alone toxic).
He has now moved out (which is the right thing to do) He has done me SO wrong, but why am I now an absolute wreck? Will I ever get over this?
Because we were friends for so long before becoming a couple I feel absolutely lost and it's him that I would go to, but I can't. His behaviour has been appalling, he has said he is sorry over and over again. It's been a month and I still am finding that I'm an emotionall wreck. He says we need at least a 6 month break because we become strangers to eachother. He didn't want to come home to a bad atmosphere, and in turn he spent even more time down the pub which led to an almighty fall out as our relationship was completely one sided. We both found out last year we both have ADHD and likely both ASD. I agree we need a very long break, but heart of hearts - i can feel were not ever going to get back together. Consider ive been treated like absolute shit, why am I so sad and missing him? My head and heart are saying different things and I still can't stop randomly bursting into tears. I just want to move far away with our children so I don't have to keep bumping into him (I wouldn't because he and thr kids adore eachother and thr children come first) i just feel so lost and don't know a way out of feeling so down (I'm already on long term antidepressants) someone pls tell me something that might help?I just can't cope with the torment, the embarrassment of his actions and how yet again ive been treated like I don't matter. I'm just so sad.