Hi everyone,
I was just wondering if any mums who have experienced separation with a two year old (where dad has left the family set up suddenly) have felt an increase in separation anxiety from their two year olds/experienced their child rejecting dad? My son is rejecting his father (who left us a few months ago now but has been seeing him three afternoons a week and on none contact days FaceTiming briefly) pretty badly and for about a month now and has refused to go with him anywhere alone.
My son had been going off alone ok with his dad in their contact times, but after a few sporadic occasions where my son didn’t want to go and was getting really stressed, there was one occasion he went out alone but I think he wanted to come home and wasn’t listened to (from what I can gather from a two year olds retelling), and since then there has been flat refusal from my son.
I am concerned because my son is saying things like “I’m scared of daddy” “I don’t like daddy” “don’t want daddy” and sometimes hiding or not looking at him. There are little glimmers of engagement and some laughs and play in very very short spurts on visits, but generally I see, and dad has verbalised too, that my son doesn’t even want him touching him much and isn’t all that interested in spending time with him. The visits are now having to happen in the house where we all used to live together (still our home) and I am having to be present which because of the circumstances and context of the situation, is highly uncomfortable for me but I am of course willing to do it for my sons wellbeing as it’s seemingly all he is comfortable with in regards to his dad right now. I am trying to remain positive and upbeat and encouraging and inclusive of his dad, but my son just won’t let me leave them alone together for more than five minutes. I do feel dad could be trying harder to engage and play, and there have been times where he has spoken to me poorly infront of him or tried to talk about grown up stuff which I know has an effect on our son but he doesn’t believe it does.
Overall my son has been a bit more clingy to me since a bout of illness over the past couple of weeks (a horrid and persistent cold which is just about gone) but most notably, it has increased since he has seemed to feel less safe around his dad over the last month. Despite this general increase in clinginess, he is able to spend time with others alone for longer periods than he will with his dad and I have been able to leave him successfully with my mom for a couple of hours completely alone while I’ve been at appointments. He is confident in social settings and at his usual playgroups etc. I notice he is always more sensitive after visit days and nervous about me going anywhere. I have tried talking to him about it but he clams up and says not much more than “don’t want daddy to come.”
I am aware that this is likely developmental as well as situational, but I am wondering what others experiences have been that are similar to this and if I should be worried about my son feeling anxious or about what might be going on for him regarding his dad. He is generally happy and thriving and unchanged, and his routine has remained pretty normal as I have always been the primary caregiver and I have throughout all of the upheaval, continued to take him to his normal weekly activities etc, but I am concerned about his reactions to his dad and the effect that might be having on him.
Not sure what my question is, just looking for some reassurance/advice/anecdotes of similar situations.
Thank you.