Co-living possible?

[Smilelikeyoumeanit1]

I've told DH that I want to separate. He doesn't want to but said he will support the decision. We have 2 young children and I don't know when/how to tell them. It's not been a week yet but it's already feeling awkward being in the same house.
He said he will move out but he can't afford it yet. So I agreed we could try co-living for a bit.
Problem is, we don't have a spare room, so he's planning to set up camp in the conservatory.
My question is, has anyone had similar experience and managed to find a way to co-live and co-parent?? We don't know how to spend time with the kids- separately or together? If separately, how when in the same house (not a big house). TIA xx

I know one family who made nesting work. Each parent spent 3 days away (living with their own parent/sibling) and 3 days at home each week, with a juggle on the last day. Also a separate bank account to manage all household spending food shops etc that both parents pay into.

My exH and I did it for about 3 months when we initially separated - I was the one moving out with the DCs and had to wait for my new house to be move-in ready.
We also didn’t have a spare room, so we took turns between the bedroom and the sofa - not ideal.
We also worked opposite shifts, so he’d be at work during the day and I’d work evenings, so to be honest we were rarely in the house together - not much change from before the separation.
On weekends we’d take turns doing something with the DCs. If he took them out on a Saturday, I’d do something with them Sunday and vice versa.
It was fine temporarily but I definitely couldn’t have done it for much longer than we did. Almost felt like we were both guests in our own house.

Thank you, that's really helpful. We both work mon-fri and have been alternating hours to be able to both do school drop offs and pick ups, but then are always both home by 5/6 every day, so we will cross over a lot.

Did your kids know what was happening? I'm so unsure what to say to them and when, but they will definitely ask questions if he's in the conservatory..

Mine were very small (6, 5 and 2).
Obviously the 2 year old was totally oblivious - she doesn’t remember us all ever living together.
We were lucky - in the weirdest sense of the word - that it was an amicable split. So we told the 2 older ones that we were still friends, we just didn’t want to be married anymore.
At first when me and the DCs moved out, exH was very on top of contact with them. But as time went on, it petered out into barely anything and he’d make up ridiculous lies about why he needed to flake out of his time with them.
Now? I’m remarried. He’s got a long term partner and we don’t even live on the same continent 🫠🫠🫠

@Smilelikeyoumeanit1 Did it for 2-3 months. V hard despite things being friendly still between us. We didn’t tell DS (13&8) til we were ready with additional accommodation as it would have been confusing. THAT was the hard part. Lying to them daily and putting on a front, keeping things “normal”.

Now nesting, which is a walk in the park in comparison. Would thoroughly recommend this if split can be amicable.

Don't tell the kids until you sort out the next steps - new accommodation, and clear agreement on what their life will be post separation.
They don't need to know the ins and outs of your relationship breakdown.

As to co-living. Plenty of people do while going through divorce. My exH and I lived in the same house for over a year, while our contentious divorce was ongoing. And we only told kids once we sorted the details. For most of that time we even still slept in the same bed. As we had no other choice.

So - pull yourself together and pretend for the kids. You decided to separate, you need to make sure it goes as smoothly for the kids as possible.
You and your H seem amicable. So - you'll need to put up with awkwardness and be an adult here. Divorce is not easy on the kids.

I agree with @Sashya. Tell the kids for now that you are sleeping separately because one of you snores.
mu husband and I separated less than a year ago and are both now in separate houses, kids 50/50 etc… but kids have gotten used to it so easily. We just explained that mummy and daddy used to argue too much and that’s not healthy infront of you boys

Won't the kids notice if dad moves into the conservatory, or is he a bit of an absent father anyway?

Me and stbexh are currently divorcing and living under the same roof and sleeping in the same bed. It's not ideal but we're trying to keep this as normal as possible for our DC. I don't want want to say anything to him until we are nearly at the end of the process and we have to put our marital home up for sale.

It's not ideal living together but it's not absolutely horrendous. We stay apart as much as possible. We spend the evenings in separate rooms and try to stay apart as much as possible on the weekend too. Stbexh goes out loads now which helps. We have done things together as a family, but this is getting less and less.

The tough parts are when he tries to be a controlling/intimidating/aggressive prick. I just focus on getting through the process and having my own place.

DC has started noticing things are different between us though and has been asking questions. This breaks my heart. 😢