I feel completely trapped - maybe I can't divorce

[Pinkwaferbiscuit7]

We've been married 12 years, no children between us, but he helped raise my daughter as his stepchild. Now away at Uni. He has no children of his own.

I haven't worked for five years. Genetic health issue (stress makes it worse) + Mental health issues. I'm trying to find a job, with no success, and the last time I worked, at the end of the working day I was so exhausted I'd fall into bed for a few hours after getting home.

He's a higher earner. We both were at about £30k when we married, but I encouraged him to get qualifications etc., switch jobs, etc. and now he's on £90K. I'm on zero. I haven't claimed any benefits either. We bought a house seven years ago. Including deposit we've paid in £120k. The house has gone up in value about £30k.

He is abusive. Not violent.

I've recently been diagnosed as autistic ('high functioning'). On the one hand, the thought of leaving the house and moving somewhere new fills me with dread.

On the other hand, the thought of staying in this house full of bad memories depresses me.

His work gives us private healthcare which has been invaluable given my physical health conditions. The thought of going back to the NHS, 18 month waiting lists etc. makes my chest feel tight.

I don't have the confidence to leave, but the longer I stay, the more of myself is chipped away every day.

I wouldn't be able to get a mortgage the way things are right now.

My options are:
(1) Stay and be miserable, but with healthcare and in a familiar house.
(2a) Try and find a job. Let's say I get a £25,000 (minimum wage, full time)
(2b) Try to update qualifications (my degree was Law, but I'm willing to change), then find a job.
(3a) Sell the house, get £70,000 towards a mortgage on a small property (south east), pay mortgage
(3b) Continue to be unable to get a job. Rent a room/studio for 3/4 years which will use up the deposit money, then go on benefits to rent a room/studio. Insecurity of landlord selling out from under me.

Is there anything I haven't thought of?
Does anyone have any suggestions?
Has anyone been in a similar position and is now in a better place?

Are there family or friends who could take you in for a bit to allow you space and a bit of time to decide your future?

These are the main 2 I'd give thought to:

(1) I'd only consider this if I was sure that (perhaps with counseling) I'd be able to emotionally 'divorce' myself. That would mean being able to completely ignore his abuse (which I assume is in the form of words). You'd have to be able to truly let it roll off your back and not let it 'get' to you. You'd have to be able to NOT rise to any 'bait' he may toss your way. You'd also have to be able to form some sort of life separate from him. Meaning a hobby or something that will take you out of the house. If the abuse takes the form of financial abuse or him controlling your very movements, this may not be possible. But to simply stay and be miserable will end up destroying your very 'self'. And nothing is worth that.

(2b) I think I'd be tempted to try to build on what I already have, work-wise. If you have a law degree, can it be used 'in its current form'? Perhaps not as a practicing solicitor, but perhaps to write legal papers or review them for errors or work as a law clerk or paralegal? I'm not in the UK but I'd assume those would pay more than minimum wage. Would it then be possible to update your qualification whilst you're working?

But before you do anything beg, borrow, or steal the money to see a solicitor. You need to know exactly what your position is regarding marital assets. Where I live (US) it's not unusual for a spouse to be required to keep an ex on their health insurance or to purchase them an equal policy, but this may not be so in the UK. At any rate, you need to educate yourself so you can make an informed decision. Knowledge is power.