Urgent - Does this sound like a fair split of assets on divorce

[Amicablecouple]

My husband (of 16 years) and I are going through a divorce. We just do not love each other anymore and want different things from life now and in the future.

We are talking very amicably and are at present discussing our finances.

I would love to know anyone's thoughts on where we are and if it would (or is) considered a fair split of assets by you or would be by the judge.

Assets
House - £380000 (no mortgage as my husbands parents have given us over £100000 over our marriage to pay off the mortgage)
Money in accounts investments and savings - £65000

We have vehicles etc but these will be easy to split as they are worth pretty much the same so we will just keep our own.

I have been a SAHM for the past 12 years but have been back at work for the last 4 years working 3 days a week. Take home pay for me is £900/month.

My husband works full time and takes home £2600/month

He has a pension which we have decided to split 50/50 for the 16 years we have been together (he has 5 years paying into it before we met which he will keep)

We are looking at a complete 50/50 split of everything.

380000 / 2 = £190000
65000 / 2 = £32500

Total = £222500 each.

We are trying (big priority for us) for him to keep the family home so that it has minimal impact on the Children and I will buy another house and probably take on a small £50k mortgage to do this. I simply could not take on such a large mortgage and would not get one approved either.

My husband will have to take out a large mortgage and will just about struggle to pay it and everything else on his pay but he thinks he can just about manage it for the children's sake even if it is going to be very hard. He will look to sell once on the youngest (now 11) finishes school.

We will share the children on a 50% bases.

I will have to get Universal Credit to help to pay for my mortgage etc. and possibly also work full time.

We have grave concerns that as on paper it will appear to a judge that I will need more of the assets to support me in buying a house (£900 per month is not going to come close to what I will need) but in fact once UC and child benefit are taken into account I will actually be on a similar monthly income to him but he will have a large mortgage and larger household bills (tax, energy etc) so I will probably have a good bit more disposable income than him.

Does anyone know if a judge will take this UC payment into account when judging 'fairness' of the asset split? (I'm obviously not receiving it yet but I will once we fully divorce).

Any advice, thoughts or comments would be VERY greatly received!

Yes, am I missing something? If you can't afford to keep the marital home without help from the taxpayer, should you not both have to downsize?

This thread is for support @Notaflippinclue . It's in divorce/separation, not AIBU.

So you’re effectively trying to afford two family homes so you can do 50/50 for the kids?

I think neither of you earn enough for that but do you live in a cheap part of the country?

(I was just a bit confused because normally the mum stays in the family home until youngest is 18. This is a slightly unusual situation).

That is the idea. I will remain living in the marital home (separate rooms) until I get my new place sorted. As I said we are good friends but dont love each other anymore. Sad but it is what it is. I know we will help each other to get sorted for as long as it takes.

It’s an absolute joke but yes. I was gobsmacked when someone I know divorced, walked away with 85% of the equity in the home and bought a beautiful big house in a prime location and straight onto UC.

But that is not what is going on here.

I have paid tax for 20 years before marriage and my husband has paid it all his working life. We will be paying it for another 20 years each post divorce too.

Neither of us have ever had any benefits in our lives and that's what they are there for...to support the hard working families when they fall on difficult times. It is not a long term (forever) thing. Just to get us through the next few years until the kids are old enough. Not benefits scroungers which is what you appear to be implying.

I hope you never have to go through this as given your comments you would rather not have to use them and would instead rather not be able to support your kids/family?

We will both be living in modest homes which will support our kids

Yes it is true,it happened to my mother in law,she got divorced,she got 100k settlement,bought a house with the 100k and a small mortgage,she couldn’t get uc as she had 100k equity in the house,they told her she should of rented an lived off the money.

You both can’t afford the housing plan you have at the moment so you need to readjust your expectations, which will involve downsizing, and not expect the taxpayer to pick up the bill just because you don’t want to move the children to a different house. I am absolutely gobsmacked at this thread, and if this is what people are using benefits for, then I’m all behind the clamp down on it that the current government is pushing through.

I did have to claim benefits for a short time at one point when I was made redundant at 8 months pregnant. Yes, I was grateful for the small amount of money it brought in, to help with food and clothing costs, it certainly was beneficial at a time of a sudden and unexpected loss of income, but I got a job again when I was able to and lived within my means on the income I earned.

Interesting as this is the only example I have seen or been given (out of many 10's of other examples- 40+) which states this. Even Solicitors online say that equity in the home (that you are/will be living in) is NOT counted.

Everything online states that it IS NOT taken into account.

Do you know you/ex husband would pass mortgage affordability?

Right now things are amicable, but do either of you actually have mortgage in principle offers as single homeowners?

I can confirm that the equity in the house you live in is not taken into account. The question is do you own any other property than the one you live in.

I'll be blunt I don't think this will work. Your stbx will need to raise a mortgage of over £160k which on an income of £31,500 will be tricky.

Thank you for your reply.

My husband already has a mortgage in principle with a repayment of £800/month on the amount he needs as a sole mortgage application.

£222500 each - how can you not afford a house on that?

I'd honestly rethink keeping the family home given the finances. In situations where I've seen the family home kept, the parents think they're doing the right thing but it seems to work better longterm for DC when there's a line drawn under things and both parents have a new home. Will DC feel like you're "missing" from their home all the time? Or feel sorry for you in a smaller home? Or they'll feel sorry for their Dad struggling with a huge mortgage and having little spare left over/struggling for money. I'd really prioritise the area so DC can keep their life outside home and a nice new smaller home for each of you and then DC will see it as fair and it'll be easier for them to go between the homes. I get that you are trying to keep things stable for DC but actually, seeing a situation where both mum and dad are happy, have similar homes and all is fair, is the more important bit imo.

Thank you so much for your considered response.

We had thought these things also. It's just so bloody hard to try to do what is the best in the long run. Yes, they probably will feel that I am missing from the family home. Yes, they probably will see that Dad is struggling to keep things going etc. Yes, it would be better for them to keep their rooms and the safety/familiarity of the only house they have known.

I think possibly involving the DC's in this and see what their point of view is. The last thing we want to do is to impose something on them that they are not happy with....especially as they are not happy about us divorcing.

It sounds so hard and I totally get that you're trying to cause them the least disruption possible. I really feel for you. It might be worth having more conversations with STBX and look at housing options available and house prices and see where you get to. If DC could see "we could get this house and this house, both really nearby but a bit smaller..." it might help them to imagine how things could actually be.

Whatever you do don't involve your children in the decision making on what houses to buy/keep. They don't need that responsibility on top of you divorcing too.

I understand you point but I think if done sensitively to at least gauge their views might be better than just imposing things upon them.

For example:
There is a small possibility of being able to keep the house (Dad will live there) but this will mean...XYZ........... What are your thoughts about that? We are not saying that it will definitely happen as it may not be possible.

I think that by not including them in any discussions will be worse and risks them feeling isolated. They are impacted (more that us) so they should have a voice in my view.

You will get UC as I did, we had no mortgage on family home and like you everything was 50/50 split. I had to take a mortgage and still got UC and child benefit until kids had left education. Yau can have savings I think upto 16k

There is no mortgage lender in the country who will take UC into account when assessing whether you earn enough for a mortgage. The country would be bankrupt overnight if people were able to claim UC for the purpose of buying property.

Thank you so much.

Can I ask? Did you get any spousal maintenance? How far apart do incomes need to be for this to happen?

I am concerned also that the court/judge may impose these on him and then he can not afford the mortgage etc. I don't think I will need any as my income (post divorce) will be very similar but more disposable.

There are.....just do some searches yourself instead of jumping with unhelpful (and erroneous) comments.

I will have £225,000 in equity and on a 50K mortgage there are plenty who will lend even with UC.

But how on earth will you be able to buy the house in the first place if you’re relying on UC to fund it?
I’d say that first of all, your priority is to get a full time job asap. Then you’d likely not need UC.

Here we go. You’re wondering about spousal maintenance now…

you have no chance. And it’s disingenuous to frame it as you being concerned it may get imposed on him…