Will I pay for his poor financial choices

[Mani2024]

I recently suggested to my husband that I wish to separate. We have experienced many years of financial hardship because of his business and with that he has been in a chronic state of stress and generally very difficult to live with, for many many years. There has been some emotional abuse when pressure points have been high but after suggesting a split 18 months ago this behaviour is at least in the past. He accepts that because of his stress levels he can be very difficult to live with at times. Despite this improvement I can not continue to live with this never ending hellish financial situation and his moods.

in order to survive I have worked my way up in a job I despise so I can provide for our family. He looks after the children more than I so I can do this crappy job and bring in the money we need to pay our bills. I have also secretly saved so I have options available to me when the time came to leave. He has had an abundance of financial support from his family and will eventually come into a lot of money. I have no support whatsoever. I think he may have a ton of personal debt but I don’t really know.

I’ve been researching and have noted that all marital assets should be split in a divorce meaning that he is entitled to half my savings and probably more than half the equity in the home because he has very little income. I’m not in the business of ruining his life, I would be happy with a 50/50 split so that I can afford to buy another home but him being entitled to much more than I seems completely unfair. We have two young children and we both need to be able to provide them with a home close enough to their school. The problem is that because of his dire financial position he wouldn’t be able to buy a place even if he had all the equity in our home. I’m thinking he is going to get everything leaving me with absolutely no options

He is a decent person and I know he wouldn’t try to take as much as he could get but at the end of the day he needs to survive also. Is there any way I could argue that I need those savings to buy a home for me and the kids. I also envisage having the kids 50/50. It will be challenging for me with my job but I’m willing to do anything to make it work so I can be with them half the time

If you're asking if you need to declare your savings, fraid so.

Be careful letting him look after the kids more, he could try to get more than 50% care of them in a divorce and then you will lose time with your children and be paying him Maintenece. Make sure you look after them at least 50% of the time

He looks after them more because he needs me to work to support the family. He has no income. It’s so unfair

He needs to get a job, why is he continuing to dig himself deeper into this hole and not pull his finger out. What a loser op, I feel for you

make him an offer and take it from there.

This is the position men often find themselves in

all assets are in the pot
They’ll be divided predominantly based on need.
the lower earner often takes more assets

Sounds like his business isn’t viable so needs to find a job and both pay for child age if need be

@Blondeshavemorefun exactly this but he won’t. There are some complicated factors meaning he can’t easily exit but this has been the case for ten years. He will not get a job even though I think there is scope for him to do this alongside his business. I suggested we use a bit of wrap around care so that he can take some extra work but he said he doesn’t want to do that to the kids. It feels like a totally hopeless situation. I thought I was making a plan to escape this and be able to provide for myself and the kids but actually this means he can take more from me. I’m so depressed

@teenmaw he won’t fold the business and he won’t get a job either. He continues to tell me things will get better and sometimes I believe that but I’ve had enough and think I have lost trust

Just get out. However you split funds, leave this dead end. You can rent and rebuild your life by saving and moving forward, but whilst you are stuck with your liability of a DH you’ll never get anywhere in life.

The court will take into account earning potential as well as actual earning. He hasn't given up his career to look after kids? He's just failing in his career. You won't end up with nothing. Use those savings to get a shit hot lawyer, and poss rent somewhere if things get too awful in the family home. And then go to mediation and come up with some sort of settlement. It will feel unfair but staying wll only build resentment and then you will lose out even more as you work harder and have more to lose. Going now will be tough but not as tough as going in 5 years. He's never going to do the right thing and find an actual job with income. The only thing you can control is yourself so cut your losses, you'll walk away with some it still, and then rebuild without him dragging you down

This! Once you’re no longer with him you will be FREE and your income will be yours.

Surely he cant argue that he’s unable to earn ANY income. He could go on to take a minimum wage job and claim universal credit. How high is your salary and how much have you got in savings?

Does either of you have a pension?

This