Need this to go to…

[DeeDee20]

Hello.
Please can I have you’re wise words, encouragement, motivation to turn to when I want to burst!
Been with partner 10 years have a 3 year old son and mortgage. Currently part time to look after son, always the agreement.
I want to split up, he doesn’t but can’t give reasons why not. I saw a mediator who advised i stay put until Im back at work full time. I wouldn’t be able to afford anything if we split up (live in London) and she said I can’t move home (up north) as too far away from dad! I’m trapped here until Sept 2026! He constantly digs at me, how rubbish I am, what I do wrong when he does NOTHING! Can’t even hold down a job. He’s awful and I’m struggling not to pop. I just need somewhere to turn to take the edge off.. thank youl

When you say partner, I assume you’re not married? How much equity is in the house?

Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything to be gained in waiting things out. You’re miserable now and the reality is that there are still going to be logistical challenges in 2026 and after, even when your DC is in school: you’ll still be juggling working full time around school hours and holiday childcare: it won’t ever feel like there’s a “good” time to separate in that sense.

I’d start looking to increase your hours / for a new full time role now and get the process moving. If you’re not married, it’s at least easier and quicker, it’s just the house to sell. Tell your ex you want it on the market by X date. You have to make it clear that as far as you’re concerned the relationship is over and until the house sells, you’re just going to be co-parenting housemates in the same house. If you have a spare room, separate bedrooms; if you don’t, a bed in DS’s room or consider a sofa bed in the living room. You need it to be completely clear that this is the end of the road so your ex can’t accuse you of giving mixed signals.