Meeting my ex

[Remi141]

My ex partner and I broke up 12 weeks into my pregnancy. I am now further along, but back living with my mum and dad. My mum and dad remain extremely angry at my partner. I am keen to keep everything amicable, as we are both committed to coparenting the baby when it arrives. He has asked me to meet for coffee. I wouldn’t mind meeting, as I said I am keen to keep things amicable. However, I’d have to hide it from my family, as right now they want me to have minimal contact. If they found out I’d met him, they’d go absolutely mad, so I am extremely anxious about it all. Is it worth going behind their back or do I just leave it until further down the line, as it is a few months until the baby arrives. I am just keen for some impartial advice- preferably without too much judgement please!

I guess it depends on how “committed to coparenting” he actually is - and what that has looked like so far.

Has he actively been checking up on you, has he wanted to attend scans, etc, is he going to hand over bags of stuff that he’s been buying in preparation for the new baby?

Or is this “meet for coffee” so that he can buy you a £5 Costa and kid himself on that he’s “actively involved”.

He wasn’t great to begin with. But has started checking in more, requesting to go to scans etc. but I also see your point of view

He wasn’t great to begin with. But has started checking in more, requesting to go to scans etc. but I also see your point of view

That’s an unusually strong reaction from family. Is he violent? In debt? On drugs? Something awful that would mean he would make a terrible parent?

No not violent or anything like that. Just didn’t treat me very well during the relationship and obviously walked out on me whilst pregnant, so they have very strong feelings. They accept he is going to coparent with me, but right now I think they want me to have minimal contact so as not to cause me any emotional distress. The start of my pregnancy was incredibly stressful because I was going through a breakup whilst dealing with very severe morning sickness and so they’ve watched me go through a lot

I had this with my ex. He tried to pressure me into an abortion and then we didn’t speak for a while (i went to the first scan alone and crying and then felt horribly awkward when he came to the second scan, as if he probably didn’t want to be there) he had some sort of epiphany when I was in labour and wanted to get back together. I would have agreed to anything during my 2 day labour. I think your family are trying to look after you. If I had my time again I’d take my mum to the scan and the birth, she’d have been a lot better and always had my best interests at heart. I think maybe I would have been more relaxed as well. Try and do what’s right for you and what you are comfortable with. Congratulations

Hi, I divorced from my husband during my pregnancy, here in Israel the court said I will get full alimony and keep all my law rights as single mom...

I would be wary of meeting up with him. You broke up for a reason.

Why does he want to meet up? What is he proposing to talk about?

If it's planning for the future with the child, I might consider it. If it's just a social catch up, forget it.

You might want to think about what 'keeping everything amicable' means to you. It shouldn't mean just doing what he wants.

I’d meet up. Ultimately you need to find a way to do parent and have 18 years of it.

no harm in listening to what he has to say