How to get ducks in a row?

[dandelion246]

Looking for some advice on how to get my "ducks in a row" if I'm considering leaving verbally abusive partner. We share a mortgage and have a child together.

🤷🏼‍♀️What documents do I need to secure?
🤷🏼‍♀️What money do I need to put aside for a solicitor?
🤷🏼‍♀️What else haven't I thought of!?
🤷🏼‍♀️For anyone who's already done this, what did you not do but wish you had?

My mind is very muddled at the moment. I know I need to get organised but I'm not sure exactly how or what to do. Any tips would be great 🙏🏼🙏🏼

I asked a similar question a short while ago and had some answers here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/5260338-which-ducks-should-i-get-in-a-row?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share
I’m on my way out but haven’t actually left yet (plans are all in place and will be out before Easter). I have been saving up for the last few years which has been my main preparation, but in terms of paperwork I have got scans of the paperwork for our property purchase, I will be taking the passports, but otherwise I’m told that there’s no sense in trying to get hold of other documents (like proof of their salary) unless your partner has specifically given you access to these.
It sounds like you’re not married (which I’m not either), so I’ve been told that legally it’s quite straightforward as there’s no divorce - in theory you don’t need a lawyer “unless either person wants to be difficult”. I was told this by a lawyer who I paid £200 to tell me I didn’t need a lawyer 😝

It’s SO hard to get from the point of “I know I need to do this” to actually making a real (and realistic) plan, I went through quite a few stages with this before I reached a point where I really did mean it and was actually ready to leave. With such a short period left until we move I’ve been making all of my secret plans while pretending everything is normal and it’s like living through a weird mad dream… but I honestly believe it’s the right thing for me and the children (.we have 2). Wishing you so much luck and hopefully you get some good practical advice too.

I have two suggestions.

Look up the website Wikivorce - tons of info.

Download a copy of the Form E - it’s the statement of your assets and it’s the form you and your partner will have to complete in a divorce.

It asks for 12 months copies of all bank accounts, estate agents valuations (at least 3), valuation of cars, and a budget of your future living expenses, plus other stuff I’ve forgotten I’m afraid.

Go online and just keep reading up on stuff - it will start to come together and won’t seem so scary.

Try to get information on the mortgage and any other debts, incomes and pensions.

Keep kids passports.

Start researching divorce process and the main criteria for asset division so you can think about what your future financial self looks like

Oh and it completely depends on if you’re married - if you’re not the above is not relevant- the only thing that will matter is how you own the house ( joint tenants or tenants in common with different %) as you won’t be entitled to pension or anything rise other than cms.

if you are then the above is relevant