FDR

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I had FDR hearing couple of days ago, self representing, my ex also self representing. I am wondering if anyone had similar experience to mine. My ex didn't follow first hearing order: didn't send me his updated disclosure, didn't answer my questionnaire etc. I sent him everything. I wrote that in my position statement that I haven't received anything from my ex, I also told Judge and Judge didn't do anything about it, didn't even ask my ex about it. I felt such injustice. I sent all the documents, all the details and it was fine by the Judge. Is it normal practice or did I have a horrible Judge because also his recommendations were (in my opinion of course) not fair.

I honestly think it just depends on the judge you get. Some judges are really thorough and will make an order for things to be done and threaten a penal notice if the order is not complied with and other judges don’t seem to pay much attention to things until it gets to final hearing stage.
at final hearing, things are usually (hopefully ) much more thorough and lack of disclosure can lead to assumptions of hidden assets and greater wealth that what has been stated.

Me and my ex both had to swear that we would follow the court order about one specific thing. In the next position statement he admitted to not doing it, then said it again in front of the judge. Has since said it again at the next hearing in front of a different judge. Not one thing has been done, completely ignored that he agreed in court and didn't follow it. He is self representing, I am not. I don't think it is fair. Your situation doesn't sound fair either, he was more prepared and knowledgeable than you.

When my DSis got divorced her DH didn't comply with anything and nothing was done about it. It was infuriating

I did not realise it is so common for the other party no to follow court orders. So unfair. Why do judges even bother with court orders. In my case it is not worth going to final hearing because we have very little assets and I cannot afford to pay for barrister. Judge didn't take into account my and my child's disability our housing situation or the fact how my ex is spending his money increasing his debt a lot, or anything that I said, but he agreed with my husband's proposal which I think was extremely unfair. Our case is listed for final hearing but I think I will just settle because I can't afford paying for legal help and I don't even have energy to fight anymore. I don't believe in fairness or justice anymore.

What’s the difference in £ of settling on this proposal cs taking to final hearing and hoping for different outcome? That needs to guide your decision here

his proposal is 50/50 to buy me out, he would keep our flat, I would rent with children. I am currently renting and there is no hope to buy a house in the future. I do have bigger financial needs that I listed in my proposal because of my child's disability and my disability and we also have another child, I have children 100% of the time. Unfortunately the mortgage is still high so the equity there is not much I am really asking for £ 10 - 20 K more (I would be happy with 10K) more and additional monthly payments for children. I asked in form A for extra periodical payments arising from child's disability. But my ex has lots of debts and told judge he cannot afford more then 50% and even 50% is a lot for him and the Judge agreed with him and said it was fair proposal. So it is not really worth going for final hearing for 10K although for me that much money would make huge difference

It’s not worth going to final hearing imo

personally id settle, focus on rebuilding my life, living happy, looking after my children, and making sure I’m claiming all I can in support with housing, pip, uc etc if relevant and getting support where it’s available

make sure you claim cms

i make it sound easy when it’s not of course but id be really questioning whether to persue for possibility of 10k. ( which I appreciate is alot of money for you )

Thank you millymollymoomoo, that's what I am thinking as well but I just can't get over that feeling of injustice. He is keeping our flat, he got into debts on purpose to show low borrowing capacity and spending money on luxurious lifestyle with his GF. And I worry a lot because with new government benefit cuts I will loose my PIP, my child's PIP is uncertain ( at the moment its DLA), there is a chance I will also possibly loose in the next year child benefit (depending on my child with disability staying in education or not) and that also means loosing child maintenance and additional elements of UC which I also told Judge that I might be loosing a lot of my income and I can only work part time I even had to reduce my working hours even more to be able to care four our child while my ex does nothing for children except for paying child maintenance for them. But yes, I agree £ 10 K is not worth going to final hearing. Thank you for this I really needed to talk to someone about this

I can totally understand that sense of injustice. Your ex and is gf seem awful to behave like this. It’s not fair at all. Of course you can fight it but for me I think it if probably accept it and try to move on.

is there any possibility of getting a solicitor to help you if you did decide to take it to final hearing ?

I was thinking maybe barrister for final hearing but its too expensive. I do get occasional solicitor's advice, like before the hearing but wouldn't be able to pay for the solicitor to represent me. I know I will accept my ex's offer but it really makes me sad. Thank you so much millymollymoomoo and good night🤗

Goodnight op, I wish you well whichever way you take it. Go and live happy

I feel for you, it sounds like you had an awful judge but of course your ex is bolstered by what was said and you now feel you want to give up.

Are you saying that you don’t have full disclosure in terms of his bank and credit card statements? So you don’t know the full financial picture?

Your ex is buying you out of your flat by getting a mortgage - is he saying that he can’t get a higher mortgage for any more than 50%?

Was there any discussion about nominal spousal maintenance or did the judge recommend a clean break?

Firstly the judge didn't even get a bundle which I emailed 3 days before the hearing (as directed by court) so I had to resend it and judge had 10 - 15 minutes to read it quickly. Me and my ex exchanged forms E and bank statements before first hearing in October. It didn't show the clear picture of his finances so I sent a questionnaire to him. After the first hearing the court ordered for my husband to reply to my questionnaire and send to each other updated disclosure, all the bank statements, payslips since the last hearing in October last year ( so around 5 months back bank statements). I sent him everything he sent me nothing. My ex is planning to remortgage the flat and pay me off and his borrowing capacity is very little because he has quite high debts . He was also supposed to update the borrowing capacity report but he hasn't. I just don't understand how is it even possible that one judge orders something and different judge ignores it. I was only given 10 minutes to talk then my ex was given 10 mines to talk and judge gave us his view. I live in 2 bed council flat with 2 children, on the waiting list for a 3 bed house. My ex lives in a quite big flat by himself and judge said that my housing needs are met. I am still in shock. And of course my husband was very happy after the hearing

I didn't ask for spousal maintenance but I did ask for additional payments for our child with disability but judge said he can't order that

If you did end up in final hearing there’s an organisation you can apply to for pro bono support. Not sure what the criteria is
https://weareadvocate.org.uk/

Thank you very much Mumof3confused, I will have check their website