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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Guidance

4 replies

Anvesha07 · 22/03/2025 08:11

Since 2019, my married life has been a struggle—there has been no physical abuse, but my husband has gradually withdrawn financial and emotional support, particularly when I was unemployed. He often accused me of being an incompetent homemaker, getting frustrated if household tasks weren't completed on time. Fast forward to the present, things have worsened; he has given me the silent treatment for the past nine months, though he remains wonderful with the kids. He occasionally makes passing remarks, but I feel as though I am merely existing in the house.

My parents have tried to intervene, but my in-laws have been completely indifferent. Despite my best efforts to communicate, it feels like hitting a wall. Over the past two years, I managed to find a part-time job and now earn £25,000 per year. I’m considering making a decision for the sake of my sanity, but I’m uncertain—especially given the fact that £25,000 is not enough to cover rental costs and daily expenses. Though the situation is far from ideal or healthy, part of me feels that I should stay for a few more years, as I’m not paying major bills beyond my personal expenses, car maintenance, contributions for kids’ birthday parties, trips to India, etc. Anything related to me is excluded from the family’s expenditures—if I can afford it myself, great; otherwise, it’s a no.

My husband earns a comfortable salary, has a busy social circle, and is adored by the kids, but I feel that I need to start planning for my future. I’ve come to terms with the fact that this marriage is beyond repair, as he has completely checked out emotionally and mentally.

Question:
How do I plan my exit with this limited salary? We are renting, so there’s no property involved, and I have no knowledge of his savings or investments as he has been very secretive about them. I feel like such a fool for not anticipating this sooner. I have £40K in my bank account and it's owned by me.
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 22/03/2025 08:22

Get any child benefit in your name and paid into your own account.
Start looking at rentals and your income/outgoings.
Would you be entitled to any benefits?

millymollymoomoo · 22/03/2025 08:24

is 25k your part time earning or full time now?
if part time, go back full time.

you have 40k in your bank to help with rent.

Are there zero marital assets? No pension or savings?
how old are the children?

notatinydancer · 22/03/2025 08:24

Well £40000 is enough to secure a rental. Pay some up front maybe.
Ask Women’s Aid for help, you are being abused (silent treatment )
If your husband is from another country, put the kid’s passport somewhere safe.

77Fee · 22/03/2025 12:47

That £40k savings in your name is a marital asset and you may need to give up 50% of that in your negotiations.

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