Strange call from social services

[Pantsatwork]

Background. My ex and I separated a couple of years ago after 30 years. Except for the odd argument neither of us were ever violent. He once punched a wall when I walked out of the house during an argument. That was the most violent he's ever been. He cheated because I didn't pay him enough attention, and he and ended up moving into his new girlfriend house. I stayed with the kids ( now16, 18, 20). They've seen the girlfriend a couple of times but I don't think she wants anything to do with them. He comes round a lot complaining because she's a controlling cow and I've always been very level headed and let him live his own life. The last time he complained he said he'd gone home and she was 2 bottles of wine down and had been shouting and throwing things at him. He's not been round moaning for a while so I presumed all was ok. Then I get a call from social services. They were quite cagey. Asking me if me l my daughter sees her dad and if she ever saw him at the girlfriends house. I said no they've not been round for ages and he usually sees them at my house. She mentioned a report of domestic violence and they were just checking on my daughter, if she'd ever witnessed anything. I said no and they said I'd get a letter. I was hoping the letter would explain as I couldn't hear much on the phone. Well I got the letter today and it doesn't say anything. Just that my daughter's name has been passed on to them. What's stranger is that its not my name on the letter. We were never married but they put Mrs (his surname) on the letter! I'm really confused. If he'd been the one hurting his girlfriend would they'd have been more concerned.. So does this mean she's attacked him? He's a big bloke but I don't think he'd fight back. And why the hell have social services got my mobile number but not my name? Am I supposed to stop her going round there? I don't think anything would happen as the girlfriend is an "all for appearances" type. Ps I don't want to ask him because I do not want to encourage him to think I'm going to be sympathetic! The bloke cheated then left me on my own with the kids while he swans off on holiday once a month with the girlfriend

What do your kids say?

If I were you I would be texting your ex and saying “Why have I had both a phone call and an official letter about there being domestic abuse in your household?!”

Until you get an answer it’s sensible to not send the kids. Although the older ones will decide for themselves I suppose.

So don’t be sympathetic. It’s purely an issue regarding whether or not the kids should go there.

You don’t need to be sympathetic .

i would definitely ask if this man is in your house . Though honestly I would also speak to Ss ask if they consider your Dd to be at risk .

Could you not phone the social worker tomorrow and ask what the risk is and what it is they're expecting you to do about your daughter?

Are you sure its the not girlfriend or her friend ringing you and not actually social services? I'm surprised you gave out information over the phone, with no idea who they actually were.
Are the details on the 'letter' legit? Its sounds very dodgy to me.

It sounded very much like they were happy that he didn't see them at the house.. I'm not hugely worried, but the whole thing has confused me

Dark clothes, the number that came up was social services. I'm not sure what she'd have to gain from it

I'd give him a ring and ask what's going on?!

What does your daughter say?

I've not told the kids, I've not told anyone! Not sure what I'd tell them as I've no idea what's gone on

He cheated because I didn't pay him enough attention

No, he cheated because he's a knob. Don't ever put blame on yourself for something he was deficient about. I am a man, should that make any difference.

Thanks. I know I wasnt the best girlfriend but that was all on him