When did you KNOW it was time to separate ?

[Belle04]

Long story short, partner of 10 years (married for 6) , 2 children 3 and 1. It’s always been a volatile relationship where he name calls, and says horrible things during every argument but in the last year it’s got a lot worse and infront of our two children. He has wished me to die from cancer, called me c*, broken my belongings, called my mum a fat monster, threatens me with money knowing I work part time to care for our young kids, etc etc. I’ve stayed this long because I guess im worried about coparenting and not wanting weekends or holidays without my children. But honestly if it wasn’t for my children, I’d be done. Equally I know I deserve to be happy and that’s without him… but is it just easier to stay whilst they’re so little and leave when they’re older? We’ve had conversations and he says he won’t do it again, but I don’t believe it. He’s even suggested marriage counselling but at this point after years of this verbal abuse and control I’ve checked out. I’ve answered my own question but I guess I need to hear this isn’t normal :(

I’m not in this position so appreciate it is easier to say than do, but I feel like at the moment this is not a good relationship for anyone, but especially you and your kids. Not sure that separating at any age would be “easier”, just different complications and always pros and cons. Only you can make the decision but if you feel like it’s inevitable that it will end anyway then probably better to get out early and start your new life and routine. However if you think there is a chance to salvage it and that he will truly change then it’s worth a shot. I expect you have a gut feeling either way but people on the internet can’t really tell you what to do on this one!

When I realised that my children needed me to show them what is acceptable in a relationship and what isn't. I realised that I couldn't insist in the future that they deserved better for themselves if I wasn't going to do the same.

@Belle04 please leave, for yourself and your children. 🙏 there's a light at the tunnel.

OP, what you’re describing is an abusive relationship. You should get yourself and your children out. Counselling is not advised where there is abuse.