How much snooping is ok for financials?

[Seaside1234]

Getting my ducks in a row while trying to screw up the courage to leave my husband (married 18 years, teenage children). Our finances are separate, which I’m grateful for most of the time. I earn much more than him in a secure professional job. He’s a creative freelancer with a drink problem. I’ve been financially supporting us both since COVID hit.

I know he has debt, but I don’t know how much. Since we don’t have any bank accounts in common, do you think there’s any acceptable level of snooping here to find out more about his exact financial position? Accessing bank details on his phone, opening the pile of bank letters he doesn’t open, etc. I strongly suspect his financial position will be pretty dire. My concern is that once I say I want out, he’ll shut down any potential access to any information, although I may be crediting him with more nous than he has.

I’d leave it for the solicitor to work out as, if you give any information, you’ll be asked where you got it from. Just take a note of any banks he uses, any companies he has contact with for debt etc.

Believe me when I say there will be no savings or investments…

I think he may minimise debt actually, I suspect he’s very ashamed of it and won’t want it to come out. Also I don’t want any nasty surprises about how much it actually is. Appreciate that’s not a divorce issue though

But as we’re married it’s 50% my responsibility regardless of it’s in my name or not, no? That was my understanding. We’re in Scotland, if that changes anything

Not necessarily daft, he might be a bit ashamed and just want to clear it himself and not put it on her as she had nothing to do with it.

Its the honourable thing tbh, whether he does that is another thing!

My understanding is that if the debts are in DHs name he is liable for them, not you, OP, unless he can prove that the debt money was used to benefit the marriage/family. For example if he paid off some of the mortgage with his debt or refurbished the kitchen.

That’s reassuring to hear and would be good if it were the case, although it’s not what a solicitor has previously told me. If used for just generally staying afloat, it’s considered for the common good of the marriage and therefore joint debt. And I am kind of aware of it, if not the details. He has a small pension that he stopped paying into at beginning of Covid, no other savings/investments that I’m aware of. I have reasonable savings (my dad’s being trying to offload lately in advance anticipation of inheritance tax, but husband not aware of that money), and will have a significant pension to be considered in any proceedings.

MN won't let me post a link

Google "Family Law Group and debt"

It's got some great advice

I really don't think you're liable for HIS debt unless he can prove that you / the family benefitted

But I'm not a lawyer 🙂

I'd agree with this. Keep quiet unless he pipes up and THEN you didn't benefit from his debts anyway

He will have to declare it all…and he will…especially debts.

Personally - I’d snoop for my own information, to know and better prepare for various scenarios. You can NOT, of course use any of the documents directly. But knowledge on its own can be useful.

The debt can be considered joint, or not. It’ll be up for discussion, and up to a Judge - if you get there.
So - you H will most likely smart up and declare it all - as it’ll be potentially beneficial to him.

As to ‘your’ savings he does not about - you will have to disclose them. As those will be,
most likely, considered marital. You need to consult a solicitor. If you want to try to protect some of those assets - you need to talk to a tax advisor as well - and see if inheritance tax vs potentially sharing those 50/50 is your interests.

You need to make sure Dad stops giving you money! As 50% of it is going to STBXH. He can start again after the divorce

I have reasonable savings

you will have to declare OP

In Scotland assets typically are based on the date of separation. You will base valuations and pensions on the agreed date of separation, called the relevant date. I don't know how the law works in terms of moving assets away before separation before he finds out, you would need to speak to a solicitor about that.