Divorcing and being disabled

[MargueriteInBloom]

It’s me who want to get divorced.
And it’s me who is disabled. Think enhanced PIP (daily living and mobility).
dh is a higher earner (£80k ball part) but little assets between us.

Anyone who has been in that position?
I have an appointment with a lawyer to see what I could be entitled to.
But there is so much to sort out including where to live, how to sort it out etc….

Any advice would be great :)

It’s because the inheritance is irrelevant, it’s his & is separate from your marital assets to be divided.

You have no claim to it, and him having it doesn’t mean that he isn’t entitled to any of the marital assets whether that is the house or his own pension.

Where we are (North East) there are over 55 bungalow’s which are sort of a combination or council & private, you buy a % & the council owns the remainder & you pay rent to them for their %, but they are only for those over 55.

Some are set up in a short of sheltered community type thing so my husband’s granda is in one and they have a team of nurses on site pretty much 24/7 so they can provide the care he needs & he pays towards that care separately. I’m not sure if these are everywhere but it would be worth looking into for you.

You’d have to accept though that you’re going to sell the house and split the equity & you then need to make that equity last & cover the care/accommodation etc that you need.

Well, I can’t imagine he’ll be happy to provide for you for the rest of your life. You won’t get spousal maintenance. Marital assets will be split. Do you not have any pension of your own? Have you ever worked?

Well I don’t know the answer but I 100% see where you’re coming from OP
if he can buy a property outright with his inheritance then I can’t see how the judge could fairly make you sell 🤷‍♀️
if your solicitor can say the sentence - divide the assets in half, he gets his pension, she gets the house (as he has other funds to house himself)

also, I’ve heard others say on other threads that the inheritance (if it’s actually happened/they’re dead) CAN go into the pot. Could you wait a while so that’s definite?

separately - are you on good enough terms with your husband for him to actually agree you can have the house (as he can house himself)

finally - you’re disabled, normal rules don’t always apply. I have a friend who’s paraplegic. In the divorce she got 70% as she had to buy a more expensive adapted property

finally again - he can continue working, you can’t. This might mean you get more money as he’s fit and well and you no longer are

I think there’s loads of possibles here so I would definitely see a solicitor

@LaurieFairyCake I fully agree. The situation is much more complex than a straight divorce. Hence the lawyer.

Tbf I dint want his inheritance. I could, on paper, wait a bit more blablabla and keep everything (as I said his inheritance is worth more than our house+his pension).
But I dont want to.
Im not here to fleece him. And taking half of his inheritance feels like it to me. As far as I’m concerned, it’s his.

They are council houses for rent to people of retirement age. They tend to be bungalows and some areas do have availability as they weren't part of the right to buy deals.

Usually you have to be over retirement age, but if you're in your 50s and disabled you might qualify. I've known people qualify even if they were previously owner occupiers.

@Mrsttcno1 do you have a link?
Im not in the NE But I’m wondering what it looks like/structure.

Something else I’ve come across is home sharing. Basically giving a room free to a ‘lodger’ in exchange to 10 hours to ‘work’ in the house. That would suit me well.

Maybe in need to contact AgeUk. Feels really strange. I’m nowhere near retirement age!

50/50 split , you can't ask for spousal maintenance or his pension that's just grabby , it's his money not yours , you will have to use what money you get from the sale to house yourself.

At least the first question is probably being asked because, in your situation, general relationship dissatisfaction is probably not a good enough reason to initiate divorce. Unless your husband is abusing you, or having affairs, you will certainly be better off by trying to increase the quality time your spend with your husband and remember why you fell in love with him, and had children with him. I understand that on the surface, this seems unpalatable, but as a fellow disabled and dependant wife, I have accepted that it falls to me to put in most of the effort to keep my marriage running smoothly, and to look after my own happiness and relationship satisfaction.

The issue with spousal maintenance is that it impacts on means tested benefits. You need to be getting way more than the means tested benefit for it to be worthwhile. He doesn’t have a great salary because after tax, NI and pension deductions there won’t be much left.

If you pursue spousal maintenance does that extend to a share of his pension. If so how can you trade the pension share against equity. It may be a case of pick your poison here.

His inheritance is relevant because it reduces his needs from the marital pot. That could mean you get a far bigger share if all his needs are met. But not asking for a share isn’t a lever. You probably aren’t entitled to a share.

Conversely keeping all the inheritance doesn’t reduce his entitlement to shares of the assets. If your needs are met and there is spare then it will be shared.

A pertinent question would be whether the family home is excessive for your needs. Because as a single person you might not need a 5 bed house.

The question about what you want from a divorce is asking you to describe your future. What are your life plans in terms of income (from work, maintenance or benefits), pensions and housing. Knowing what you want allows you to be focus your negotiation. Rather than just throwing out asks and demands. It identifies the areas where you hold your ground and where you can compromise.

You mean that someone who is disabled is usually stuck with their partners because the financial support available is shit?
That it means people end up staying with abusive partners because of that?

Yep that’s totally true.

And yes you can put a lot of effort to ‘keep things running smoothly’. It will be at your own detriment though. Years if stress and swallowing crap for the sake of marital harmony (aka fear) will just make you even more ill that you were in the first place

And yes, believe me. I’ve gone through the whole pros and cons many times.
And my conclusion is that I’d better be out before my health has been compromised even more.

What have you offered him and what was his counter offer? In short, what do you disagree on?

I’m in a similar position. I was trying to keep the marriage going. He asked for divorce and has just agreed to a good settlement. No lawyers.