Leaving partner soon, seeing a lawyer tomorrow. What do I ask?

[herethereandeverywhatnow]

I’ve got a plan in place to leave my partner of 13.5 years in a few weeks after years of emotional and verbal abuse. He doesn’t know we’re leaving.
We own a house (mortgaged) as tenants in common with him having a share of 75% and me 25%. His salary outstrips mine (his is probably 2 and a half times mine, though I also work full time) I am moving to a rented flat just to get away and protect us. We have 2 children (9 and 6) and we’re not married. I’m seeing a lawyer tomorrow who was recommended by a colleague, and works exclusively with women leaving tricky situations. I’ve got a few things in mind I want to ask (about financial obligations, how custody might work) but any tips on what to ask would be greatly appreciated! I’m starting to freak out a bit to be honest.

What are yuu in hoping the lawyer will say?

you effectively own 25% of your home so either need to sell and split equity 75:25 or he buys out your 25% share.

He’ll owe cms based on his Salary and overnights.

re the abuse are you looking to try to limit his access to children? Are there safeguarding concerns there at all? What do you envisage the child arrangements to look like? I’d suggest that should be your focus as the money is quite straightforward

Thank you - all along I have seen that the finances (in terms of the house) are straightforward, but everyone around me keeps telling me I need to see a lawyer… so it seemed like a step I had to take.
the real unknown is how we will arrange custody, I don’t really know how this will go. He’s a very angry person and a big part of the reason I’m leaving is because I hate the way he behaves around them and speaks to them.
i wouldn’t want him to have no contact with them and I really really hope he’s going to realise that he needs to behave differently towards them in the future if he wants to stay in their lives, but I don’t really know what this looks like.

Hello @herethereandeverywhatnow - am in a very similar place, even down to seeing a solicitor tomorrow, one I too chose because they deal with women in tricky situations. There's anger and emotional abuse in my situation too. The DCs are older though.

If you're in a similar position and haven't yet, would definitely recommend speaking to a local support service. Being heard helps you feel stronger. I don't know how much I would flag in divorce proceedings, I just want my lawyer to be aware.

Best of luck x

OP - in your situation, the are really two questions you should focus on.

(1) what mechanisms you have to ensure he pays you your 25% share - as I suspect he'll stall and delay
(2) how to negotiate child arrangements, or how to apply for restricted/supervised contact .

It is unlikely you will be able to prevent his contact with the children if he wants to see them. You need to understand different steps and requirements of what will need to happen.

keep in mind the courts will first look at whether the children are housed and looked after appropriately. So the 25/75 split may be adjusted. Talk to the solicitor about that. It’s not as straightforward with children. As you are married it’s one big pot as far as I understand it and the children will come first.

You may have a right to get an occupation order for domestic abuse and kick him out and then get half of th home as it's a marital asset

Sorry just seen partner - ignore marital asset bit

I was call women's aid for advice as there is lots to protect you as there's been domestic abuse you don't need to leave the home he has to and you can get a non molestation order

Op is not married

For child arrangement you’ll probably have to go to mediation first unless you note down domestic abuse which means you may be excused. Then you have to go to court to agree child arrangements. When they are teens the courts listen to the children’s view on where they want to live

Thank you so much everyone - just waiting to speak to them now, so this is really helpful!