Pensions and separation

[Wjh81]

After some advice for anyone who may have been in a similar situation,
I’m currently in the process of divorcing, we were married for a number of years and together for years before that, we’ve been separated for nearly 3 years.
while we’ve been separated I’ve continued to pay the mortgage for our house and have paid maintenance towards the kids and see them 50:50 but can’t have them overnight as I haven’t got my own place. I still pay for birthdays and xmas and large expensive things such as school kit and take them on holiday and weekends away etc
while we were together (along time ago prior to splitting) my soon to be ex secretly came out of there work pension and didn’t tell me anything about it and got us in loads of debt which caused loads of issues over the years. Since we’ve split I continued to pay for an expensive car we had both agreed to purchase (in my name) and they kept the paid for car. We are in the process of selling the house becuase it suits them despite me asking them to sell the house for the period we’ve been split but that didn’t happen and so I haven’t been able to buy my own place. The new place they are in the process of buying is a new build and we are going to split the house sale proceeds 50:50 I have no doubt when the divorce goes though they are going to go for my pension which wouldn’t have been massively different from there’s had they not come out of there’s secretly, I believe they are getting massive financial help from there father to purchase the new house which will be prior to our divorce. What’s people thoughts on where I stand with my pension and how a court would view there actions and what they are acquiring prior to our divorce ? Has anyone had any history with occupantional rent ? I’m trying to think of ways they can’t rip my pension to pieces when they will be getting a lot of money from there father prior to divorce, they’ve had a paid for car (which has since been sold) the house paid for since I’ve separated and can’t buy my own place and they secretly came out of there’s pension which affects me as well!! I’m at my wits end!!

Firstly yes you have paid maintenance for your children and their costs - they are your children so why would you not ? You have continued to pay the mortgage - well you will recoup your part of that when the house is sold. Why have you not got your own place after three years? How long were you living together including before and after marriage? That is relevant as to whether a long marriage or not. As for the car then yes it is being used to ferry your children around but you should have come to some agreement about this and probably about the mortgage too . Does your spouse work? Why were they not contributing if so? Your pension is liable to be used in Form E as is the other spouse's ( or lack of ) to establish an equal position going forward. The fact that the father is helping is irrelevant to it all legally. Have you taken any legal advice on this ?

Have you got a solicitor ? You need to get proper advice on this including the split of house as the costs pf mortgage paid since the split may be taken into account in the asset division.
You haven't said how much income ex has or you, essentially the courts would want to see you both adequately housed for the children if you're to have them 50 50. Pension is simply one of the assets in the mix. If your ex came out of her workplace pension and made that financial decision it may be you can argue that pension contributions after that point don't count towards the joint pot. But you'd need advice really and ultimately it's down to whether or not you can agree on a settlement. If you can come to an agreement between yourselves it doesn't really matter what a court would say

How much we talking about here?

We’re together from 2005 until 2021 married since 2010, of course I’m going to pay towards my kids and I’m not saying anything about that. What I’m saying is why should I be penalized for doing everything right and more when the other party has delayed me being able to get my own place by not selling the house and then being able to access half my pension when secretly coming out of there’s. A police and teacher pension would roughly be about the same value so most tim a they wouldn’t touch each others. I’m asking if anyone has ever been able to use the occupational rent as a bargain tool and is it something the courts would consider.

Yes you can use costs incurred since separation on mortgage and the rent which should be added up and offset against the proceeds from house

@Wjh81your first post did sound as if you thought you were doing something that you should be praised for. I believe you said that your spouse came out of the pension many years ago and this is not something done since the split ? Was money taken from it and used up ? You use inflammatory language like " I'm trying to think of ways they can't rip my pension to pieces ". Sadly bad behaviour in marriages and divorces doesn't give you any advantage. If you felt the house was being delayed you should have taken legal advice on it at the time. Have you spoken to a lawyer to see where you stand ?

A court will have something to say about any settlement you make @Whyherewego if it deems it to be unfavourable to one party.

Agreed in principle but I had a fairly uneven looking settlement which for various reasons I accepted and court didn't bat an eyelid.
If both parties have had independent advice and are agreed in the settlement it does not need to be 50 50 is my point.
We don't know rhe amounts involved as OP hasn't specified and salaries etc

The courts don’t even consider domestic violence when splitting up assets. It sucks, but they are not going to give your ex zero of your pension. The only silver lining, is you are cutting loose NOW and not at 67. You have time to build back up and not be sunk under more debt. It’s like cutting a millstone off your feet, you won’t suddenly be transported ahead to where you should be, but you won’t be held back any more.