Leaving in a few weeks and now he’s playing nice 🤨

[herethereandeverywhatnow]

I know, I know, this is all part of the pattern of abusive partners - but it’s messing with my
head.
V brief background - together 13 years, 2 children, I’ve been increasingly miserable for 6 years or more. Realised 2 years ago that it’s actually an abusive relationship (verbal/emotional abuse, gaslighting, coercive control, etc etc). I’ve found a flat and get the keys in a few weeks - he has no idea this is coming, and we’re going to leave while he’s on a work trip.
but for the last few weeks I’ve had terrible insomnia and felt like I’m losing the plot, and the man who has ignored me as a human being (apart from to tell me what a useless human-being/parent/housekeeper I am) suddenly seems to have some empathy and has realised I’m “not OK”. He’s calling me when he’s away for work to chat (we’ve barely had a conversation in years) and noticing that I look tired, asking me for a cuddle etc when he’s back.
I’m pressing ahead with my plans, told me parents today (which was a massive step), seeing a lawyer next week, and have been buying things I need as I plan to leave with our clothes/children’s toys but no home stuff, but he’s being nice and it’s so bloody confusing.
Not sure what I’m hoping anyone can say to make me feel better but just posting here as it’s breaking my head… I can only manage the secret exit plan but not letting myself feel what I’m feeling but he’s making me
worry so much about how the he’ll he’s going to react when he finds out we have left…

It sounds like he is realising that something is up, or that you are distancing yourself and is being overly nice to try to reign you back in. Very typical from, as you describe him, an abusive partner.

Stick with the plan, remember why you are doing it, perhaps write down some of the awful times as a reminder in case you wobble? If he reacts awfully and is overly aggressive, have someone on call to help if needed.

Yes I’m surprised but pretty sure he’s realising something is up, but I still think he’s going to be blindsided when we go. It’s not been all nice of course, he had a mad fit of anger a few nights ago and threw cutlery across the room when I didn’t lay the table while he cooked (first time he’s done so in a long while). I actually had been trying to record voice memos of his rants and while I didn’t manage to get any really good examples i found one the other day and listened back and it’s just so toxic (even when it’s not that bad compared to how he can be), so I think I need to keep doing this. I’ve got various notes written over the years with some real rock bottom stuff too. It’s so hard as I honestly won’t cope if I let myself experience my feelings but I know I’m going to have to face up to it at some point.