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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Just applied for divorce...

8 replies

Mumofboys2006 · 13/03/2025 13:06

This has been on the cards for years and years...after 22 years of marriage, things started going down hill around 2020.

I feel slightly elated/sad/upset/anxious for what the future holds now that I have actually done it.

I know that he will get very irate about finances, and belligerent, partly as I had a trust deed set up when we bought our house, which means that I will get my share back (thank you dad for advising me to do this) and also because my parents have helped quite significantly since. He has paid mortgage and utility bills on the whole. So, I think we will definitely need help in agreeing finances.

I have been in touch with Mediate UK, and I understand that their packages start at around £1400. Can anyone recommend other options, which are better/cheaper.

TIA.

OP posts:
DailyDoily · 13/03/2025 13:09

Mumofboys2006 · 13/03/2025 13:06

This has been on the cards for years and years...after 22 years of marriage, things started going down hill around 2020.

I feel slightly elated/sad/upset/anxious for what the future holds now that I have actually done it.

I know that he will get very irate about finances, and belligerent, partly as I had a trust deed set up when we bought our house, which means that I will get my share back (thank you dad for advising me to do this) and also because my parents have helped quite significantly since. He has paid mortgage and utility bills on the whole. So, I think we will definitely need help in agreeing finances.

I have been in touch with Mediate UK, and I understand that their packages start at around £1400. Can anyone recommend other options, which are better/cheaper.

TIA.

I’m not sure if they will cheaper but Amicable could be worth a look. They run everything for you right through to the final order etc (I’m not sure how much Mediate UK do).

In theory can do it yourself, but sounds like you’re going to need help with the financial discussions so having someone help and advise sounds like a good plan.

Best of luck

trailblazer42 · 13/03/2025 16:02

I’m in a similar position - have a look at Wikivorce

4Candle · 18/03/2025 08:16

Mumofboys2006 · 13/03/2025 13:06

This has been on the cards for years and years...after 22 years of marriage, things started going down hill around 2020.

I feel slightly elated/sad/upset/anxious for what the future holds now that I have actually done it.

I know that he will get very irate about finances, and belligerent, partly as I had a trust deed set up when we bought our house, which means that I will get my share back (thank you dad for advising me to do this) and also because my parents have helped quite significantly since. He has paid mortgage and utility bills on the whole. So, I think we will definitely need help in agreeing finances.

I have been in touch with Mediate UK, and I understand that their packages start at around £1400. Can anyone recommend other options, which are better/cheaper.

TIA.

Was the trust in deed set up before marriage? You might want to check with a solicitor if it’s still valid as you’ve had a long marriage and it might not be now.

Ridingthegravytrain · 18/03/2025 08:38

Can't help with the divorce but when I set up my deed of trust when we purchased before marriage the solicitor told me it would no longer be valid if we did marry (which sadly we did 😂)

Original poster
Mumofboys2006 · 18/03/2025 08:39

Thanks all. It was set up after marriage and we own the property as tenants in common not as joint tenants.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 18/03/2025 10:47

The trust can still be varied. Although will hold weight. Depends whether it’s relevant to your current situation

LemonTT · 18/03/2025 11:29

Your father’s advice was solid but as others have suggested it isn’t iron tight. Englands marriage and divorce laws will take precedence over an agreement if they come into conflict. Which could happen if his needs aren’t met within the remaining pool of marital assets.

What could also happen is that your needs are deemed to be low, because you have a house. Effectively giving him most of the rest of the assets. It doesn’t always follow that an asset is ring fenced and everything else is 50:50.

I am not trying to piss in your cornflakes OP. Just a heads up about because you need to be informed rather than complacent and overly optimistic about the situation.

You have a strong position but it is very nuanced. That means any advice you are given which isn’t fully and expertly informed could be wrong.

In a situation where he has a lot to win by going to court it follows you have a lot to lose. Bear that in mind when in mediation. Dont send him scuttling up a ladder he won’t come down by being high handed.

Original poster
Mumofboys2006 · 18/03/2025 11:30

Thank you. That’s helpful.

OP posts:
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